In the midst of Sunday morning worship, I fell to my knees praising and glorifying the name of Jesus when I was overcome with a vision. The Holy Spirit’s presence was ever-present. I swayed in the love that the Lord has not left us alone, as if He and I were slow dancing at a wedding.
We may not always feel the presence of God’s Spirit, and believe me, there are many days I whisper, “Lord, are you even here?” You see, I am a needy human whose love languages are words of affirmation and quality time, so often I need the overcoming, gentle presence of the Holy Spirit. It reminds me that the answer to my question is, “Madyson, I am closer to you than the shirt on your back. My spirit dwells within you and has never left you, nor will It ever leave you. All the days of your life.”
And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:20 (NIV)
These words that remind me of how close the Father’s spirit truly is were not the vision that had the church floor by my feet wet from tears. These words were not even mentioned leading up to the vision; instead, it was the soft voice saying, “I have something I want to show you…”
There I was, lying flat on my back, my eyes closed and still. The stone that my body was lying on was cold and stiff. My head lay back on my soft brown hair, like the color it was when I came out of my mother’s womb. I was in a white nightgown with embroidered white flowers stitched into the fabric of the dress. My feet were bare. The walls were damp and gray like clay. Everything was silent.
Being brought to see this place, I knew exactly where I was; I was dead.
While I just stared at this motionless moment, in walked a Man. The features of His face were soft; His eyes looked as though they had lived and seen everything from the beginning of time. Those eyes witnessed and experienced pain, yet they still held so much love; love that was radiating and burning from inside this Man. Not only could you see love in His eyes, but it was love that illuminated a somber room.
The Man was quiet and respectful with a quaint smile upon His lips while He stared at my body, which looked as if it were sleeping peacefully. As He neared my still body, I noticed that even His footsteps were soft and slow. He took but three steps before He knelt down right beside me. Still smiling, He picked up my hand and held it in His when He finally spoke, “Precious one, wake up. Come with Me.”
His voice sounded like that of a man who went through war and lived; authoritative enough but also filled with deep compassion.
Before I watched myself rise, the vision ended, and I felt as though I was drifting away. I noticed the Man’s face once more as His eyes were fixated not on my sleeping body, but on me, the present one just witnessing this serene scene. There was that beautiful smile again, only this time it was beaming, like He was overjoyed to see me and just to be with me. Then, the last thing I heard was a Voice outside of the vision. “Madyson, I love you.” This was said in such a confident tone that I could not deny or doubt that Whoever’s voice this was, truly did love me.
This moment was outside of natural time. It was the future and the past and the present all in one small moment on one Sunday morning.
The future:
There is no denying that we will all die one day; it is where we go after that which is long disputed. Eventually, I will pass. I will one day lie in a grave six feet underground. My hope and trust is that only my body is laid down, but that my spirit will go on to live eternally with the Father.
The past:
God loved the world and the people He created so much that He did not want to be without them. He watched in anguish, lost, blind, and dying people try to save themselves in ways that made sense to a small human mind. It was His heart towards us and love for us that He came to be with us. He came and painted the yellow-brick road that leads us home. That road led to a mountain where stood a stiff cross and a Man nailed to it.
The present:
Many believing Americans flock to the inside of a building one day a week, to sing songs of worship and praise to the one and only God who died for all of mankind. I happen to be one of those Americans, freely kneeling on the basketball court-like floor of one of those buildings. I was one of the lost, blind, and dying humans trying to save myself from something and everything in life.
Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin — because anyone who has died has been set free from sin” Romans 6:3–7 (NIV)
Though I died with Christ the day He was crucified, I continued to live a dead life. I walked the earth aimlessly, never truly living. I filled my days and years with temporary life. I refused to lay down my dead self and bury all the things that were pleasing and desirable. I believed the illusion of the world: that we live in a time absent of a living God and that living without Him is living life to the fullest. The truth is, I was not living but merely existing in a fallen, broken, temporary world. The people, the job, the money, the experiences, and the substances I was chasing after were all empty fixings; falsely quenching my thirst for only a matter of time until I found myself parched again. But again, this was not living.
In order to truly live, first we must die because if we do not die, we cannot be resurrected.
The moment Christ died on the cross, He came searching for my tomb. When He got there, He waited patiently until I laid down my life and joined Him in the grave. I exhausted my last breath by chasing the world and outrunning death. I realized I was running in circles with no end in sight. By lap ninety-nine, the muscles in my legs quivered, and I fell to the ground and surrendered. In my final breath, I pleaded, “Save me”.
The smile that was on His face, as He stood over my dead body in that Sunday morning vision, was a smile of joy that I chose Him. He chose me long ago but was patient to wait for me. I share all this to tell you that Jesus is at your tomb now, waiting patiently for you
When you are asking if there is more to this life, the answer is yes, and it’s Him. When your heart is breaking and yearning for the love of your life, His heart is yearning for you. He longs to love you as much as your heart longs to be loved. It is Him you need. He is the one you have been looking for. Everyone else has let you down, but He will not. He is constant. He is good. He is worthy of reciprocal love.
He is waiting for you.
The thoughts in your head that you are not wanted are lies! You are not only wanted, you are treasured. You may say, “I have already done too much that cannot be forgiven.” Those words and thoughts are straight from the forces of evil that want to keep you blind and distracted. Because if you knew just who you are, you would know that you are not only free from those lies but you are also a child of the King. You are a princess and a prince. You have been given authority in the castle and the land surrounding it.
There is nothing that you have done or can do that prevents you from this freedom and reality. Jesus said, “It is finished.” Period. You are free! Death is defeated! There is no course or bootcamp that you need to go through for this freedom. It is already done. There is nothing more that He asks from you than for you to choose Him. It is as easy as “Jesus, I choose You” or a simple “Yes, I want You in my life.” It is in that moment that you chose to die. In that moment, you joined Him in your tomb. He waited for a moment just as this and is ready to tell you to rise up and to live again.
Rise and live and know that you are just who God incarnate died for. You are worth it. You are not a mistake; you have purpose and meaning. You are dearly and deeply loved.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38–39 (NIV)
I want to end with some words of encouragement.
Question the life you are living without Jesus. Go right to God, because you can. The veil was torn for a reason such as this, to have access to the Lord directly. He is right there, closer than the shirt on your back. I also implore you to read the bible for yourself, in that, God will reveal His love and Himself to you.
Know that in the time being, I will be praying for you. I pray to see you in the Holy Place. I pray to eat with you at the table next to the King. I pray against all the things clinging to your back and ankles that are trying to hold you and keep you from the Father. I pray peace for you and a turning of your mind. I pray you experience, encounter, and grow in a relationship with the living and loving God. I pray all of this from the position of grace and mercy and authority that has been given to us through Jesus. It is in His name I pray. Amen.
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