I have wanted to be a mama for as long as I can remember. Over the years, I have faced a lot of hard days, but honestly, after ten years of struggling with infertility and loss, I find Father’s Day to be one of the hardest.
I have been a Daddy’s Girl my entire life. My Dad was my first friend. I have so many silly memories of him. He taught me my love for books, coffee, and chocolate. He worked hard to provide for our family but also studied hard to ensure I knew the truth.
He drove me nuts asking me questions about theology and purposefully taking the other side of an argument. However, all those hard questions taught me how to form my own opinion and stand up for what I believe.
I have been blessed with the best father-in-law. He works hard and loves harder. It’s not uncommon to see him working around our hours just because he wants to. He isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty to take care of us. He’s a good teacher and so funny!
He’s the most fun to play card games with (even if I did tell him he wasn’t that great of a pinochle partner before!). He has big faith, and it’s not uncommon to see him reading the Bible early in the morning. He’s such a good example of how to put the Lord first.
I am also blessed with the best brother-in-law. He works hard and has the biggest heart ever. He is one of the most selfless guys I know. He is also my favorite person to pick on (which reminds me, I need to find some nose hair clippers for his upcoming birthday!)
Even though he is busy running a ranch, he always has time to be at family events and Bible studies. He has so much integrity and always finds time for the important things.
These men deserve high praise on Father’s Day. They have blessed me, encouraged me, and held me when I felt like I was falling apart. They have provided for me, fought for me, and made me proud. They are strong examples of what fathers should be because they love like Jesus. I know that not everyone has fathers they can look up to, and I don’t take what I have for granted. I am so very blessed!
However, even though I have much to be thankful for on Father’s Day, it’s still a tough day. I have spent many years believing the lie it is my fault that my husband isn’t celebrated on this holiday. If only I could get pregnant… if only I could carry babies full term… then he would be a Dad. I have always said I can carry my own grief, but remembering that I am not the reason another grieves is nearly impossible for me to grasp.
Before I go on, I want to tell you that infertility is not my fault… and it isn’t yours either! God’s will is for us is to have babies. His perfect plan was for all of us to be fruitful and multiply without miscarriage. However, because we live in a fallen world, man has made choices (many that we had no part in) that have caused sickness and disease to be prevalent.
Sickness and disease (infertility) are not from God. Sin has interrupted God’s original design. The good news? The story never ends with evil winning. God has given us the authority to walk in healing.
While my husband and I do not have children in our home, we do have two babies in heaven. My husband works so hard for our family. He always puts me and the needs of our little family first. He loves hard. He is smart and leads our family well.
In our journey to be parents, he has clung to faith when I couldn’t take another step. My husband is my favorite friend. We have the most fun together. Someday, my husband is going to be the best Dad to babies who live in our home. My husband deserves to be celebrated big.
So, on this Father’s Day, I want to give a special shout out to all the dads in the waiting. I just want to remind you that God sees you. He sees both the heartache and hope you carry. God hears you. He has heard all your prayers. Most of all, He cares for you. Today, you are not forgotten. You matter, too!
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on borderless.blog
Featured Image by Ben Mater