Vulnerable Post!
This past year, spiritually speaking, has been hard. Not necessarily due to circumstances (though there have been some) but for unknown reasons. I began experiencing a sense of feeling disheartened and a feeling of disillusionment. Some of it stemmed from some shock and disbelief when I saw respected leaders (that were also friends) fall or falter in their integrity. Though this is not the first time that I’ve experienced this in my 40+ years of walking with the Lord— this time it hit my heart with what felt like water drenching a burning fire.
Please understand that my hope or security isn’t in any man or woman— it is fully in the Lord. But for some reason, for the first time in my life, my soul wanted to quit— to stop saying “yes” and to just live an “out of the public’s eye” and an “out of leadership” sort of life. Maybe a short sabbatical was needed— I honestly don’t know. But from that moment in time when it felt like water was poured upon the fire in my heart— I couldn’t find my passion or purpose in all that I was doing.
I wondered if there was any fruit in my life. Had my life been what the Lord desired? Were all of the years in ministry and prayer pleasing to Him? All I knew to do was to daily offer Him the ashes that seemed to remind me of the fire that once burned bright.
I wondered how my soul got to this place when I hadn’t stopped seeking the Lord and continuing to say yes even when my soul screamed, “No”? Was my willingness to continue not enough and had I somehow grieved our precious Holy Spirit? Or was this a wilderness place where everything had to become what looked like ashes so that the Lord alone received the glory when His fire burned again?
A couple of days ago, I hit bottom. It was on Passover— a day that always gives me great hope and yet I couldn’t see anything but ash and reminders of what once burned bright. The “no” in my soul was heard louder than the “yes” in my feet and it grieved me so deeply.
That evening the Lord took me into a vision and showed me what looked like a campfire that the night prior had burned bright and hot— lighting up the darkness and warming those around it. In the morning all that seemed to remain was ash and blackened remains of what were once trees (this so keenly described what my heart felt like). Then suddenly, the Lord lifted some of those blackened remains (logs) and He began to stir the ashes around it.
Underneath what looked like quenched and drenched remains of yesterday, were bright orange embers— they were just covered up by the remains of what had provided light and heat the night before.
Then He began to blow on the embers and stir the ashes. As He did this they became hotter and brighter. Then He added new seasoned wood upon the “now-bright” embers and angels joined Him to blow on the embers that the new day had not been able to extinguish. Though the old was gone, the embers of His love could not be extinguished or consumed. As He put the new fuel on the embers, He and the angels continued to blow— it fanned into flame the faithfulness of His love. For His love had remained through the long night and into what was being called the new day.
That is why I would remind you to stir up (rekindle the embers of, fan the flame of, and keep burning) the [gracious] gift of God, [the inner fire] that is in you by means of the laying on of my hands [with those of the elders at your ordination].” 1 Timothy 1:6
The same day that all of this hit rock bottom for me (Passover Monday), we were with our church co-leaders at a meeting and one of the other elders discerned that many had been going through deep discouragement and after a time of sharing he felt to go around to each member of our leadership team and lay hands on us— removing any cloak of heaviness. I believe that this fulfilled the words and instructions in 1 Timothy 1:6
If what I have described applies to what you have been going through, then this is for you! He is with you to help you to stir up the gift of God within you, the embers of His love and faithfulness still burn under the ashes and blackened remains of what once was. He is with you to take you from mourning into praise, from sorrow into gladness. He has come with new royal garments that will replace the drenched and soot-stained garments from yesterday. He has a new turban for your head that replaces the ash upon your forehead. And He has a basin of clean water to wash your feet and a clean towel to dry them.
I hear these words for you and for me,
To grant to those who mourn in Zion the following: To give them a turban instead of dust [on their heads, a sign of mourning], The oil of joy instead of mourning, The garment [expressive] of praise instead of a disheartened spirit. So they will be called the trees of righteousness [strong and magnificent, distinguished for integrity, justice, and right standing with God], The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:3
Lastly, for six months I’ve been waking up at 6:13 am— time and time again. I have had many receipts that came to $61.30, I have seen the number 613 so many times. It also happens to be the date of my birthday (6/13). I have searched for significance and though I found many spiritually significant things around this number, I did not realize until writing this that it might be the promise in Isaiah 61:3.
I feel to say to you, who are reading this, that the Lord is opening a window of restoration for many of you between now and June 13th (6/13) that will cause those who have been disheartened to find their praise once again. Over the next month and a half stir up the gift of God within you once again. Stand up and shake off the dust (or ash) and in faith believe that this is the time of your restoration. He will fuel the ember of your life until you burn from the unquenchable fire of His love and faithfulness. That is all that remains and all that is needed to burn again— but this time from that which is eternal and that which cannot be consumed by the flames.
In 6/13 I turn 60 (wow and ow)— but I sense Isaiah 60 is also for us, which begins with these words,
Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.” Isaiah 60:1 (read the whole chapter)
The Spirit of the Lord said to me on Monday (Passover)— “Daughter, I have not passed you by.” The Destroyer has passed us by once again (after what has felt like plague after plague) because hard seasons do not wash the blood of Jesus off of the doorposts of your lives. The Lord has NOT passed you by. He is with you to fulfill to you your Isaiah 61:3 promise.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead.” Isaiah 43:2-3
You have not burned up (or out) and have NOT been consumed. He is your Savior and you have been redeemed.
Amen!
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Inscribe Ministries
