“I think if you said the same thing, but with more heart and less volume, they’d be more likely to consider your perspective.” This was a statement I said to one of our kids a few days ago after an intense conversation with one of their siblings.
This summer, our family enjoyed a vacation in Branson.
Great times and some really good conversations. Yes, even some intense ones.
One family discussion was about what makes someone else want to listen to what you have to say.
A couple of things mentioned that DON’T get another other person to want to listen to you were:
- louder volume
- more intensity
- forceful tone
But a few things mentioned that DO cause someone to want to take your thoughts into consideration were:
- staying calm
- being genuine
- sharing from your heart, without feeling the need to change the other person
There’s a big difference between these two approaches to intense conversations.
One comes naturally most of the time, while the other takes a bit more intentionality and restraint.
One breeds defensiveness and contempt for your point of view. But the other causes a greater capacity for wanting to listen and consider it.
Why? Because you’re not trying to force something down someone else’s throat.
People listen to others when they genuinely sense their care and concern.
People don’t listen to others when they feel the conversation is one-sided—that one person is just trying to prove themselves right and the other person wrong. (Like my grandma used to say, “You attract more flies with honey than with vinegar.”)
This is true with anyone, whether parents and children, employers and employees, or friends and family.
Think of your conversations this past week with those closest to you. What was your goal?…
A desire to be right at all costs… or a desire to simply be heard and understood?
And did your words and tone reflect that goal?
Proverbs 15:1 still rings true, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”
Let’s go “soft” over “grievous” in our words and responses, and see how it helps improve our conversations with those we care about.
“10% of conflict is due to a difference of opinion. 90% is due to the wrong tone of voice.”
How could taming your tone in conversations this week change everything for the better?
If you are struggling to get your kids to listen to you without raising your voice, here are some helpful reminders if you’d like to go deeper.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Godly Parent.
Featured Image by alda2 from Pixabay
