Mama, Let Go of Your Desire to Control

As a lover of the outdoors, kayaking has been on my bucket list for quite some time now. For many years I’ve envisioned gliding on the still waters of a serene lake while greeting the morning sun . . . The glorious autumn leaves surrounding me as I listen to the sweet music of birds overhead.

This could very well be my new happy place.

Well, on a recent family vacation I finally got my chance to go kayaking.

IN.THE. OCEAN.

With a current, and BOATS, and boat docks that that current was determined to push me under. It was at this point that I realized some prior instruction would have been helpful.

My husband (who had done this before) and my son easily paddled ahead while my daughter and I struggled. I’m not sure if the physical or mental struggle was more difficult for me in that moment. I desperately wanted to be in control of my situation, but was unprepared and consumed with anxiety.

Oh yes, and did I mention that we were paddling to “Shark Tooth Island”?! I mean, how exactly did all of those shark teeth arrive on that island, anyway?!

After our agonizing trip, I realized that I struggle with control in many areas of my life. I can even allow my desire to control to trickle into my parenting if I’m not careful. My type-A personality and peaceful nature are often quite determined to ensure that the rest of my family lives in peaceful sweet harmony as well.

Letting Go

In my mind, my desire to control is completely justified. It is for the well-being of my children. I only want them to be kind, gentle, grateful, compassionate children who love Jesus (and to be calm and quiet on occasion).

God is graciously teaching me, however, that my role as “Mommy” does not include controlling my children. It never will. He has gifted them with certain abilities and created them with specific qualities that can all be used for His glory- without me stepping in to try to “fix” or “improve” them.

So when my artistic daughter comes down the stairs resembling “Fancy Nancy” yet again, I’m learning to smile and accept her creativity instead of gently encouraging her to tone it down a bit and reminding her that plaid and polka dots don’t pair so well together.

And when my BURSTING AT THE SEAMS WITH ENERGY little guy starts screaming like he’s ready to party at our homeschool field trip (as all the other children are playing rather peacefully) I can be grateful for his sweet nature and enthusiastic outlook on life rather than wanting to crawl under a rock.

Please don’t misunderstand me here. Obviously, our children need to learn to respect and obey among other things. We should never turn a blind eye toward their sin.  To do so would be to fail them and our Heavenly Father, but I’ve realized over the last eight years of parenting that my correction is oftentimes not connected to direct misbehavior, but rather to my preference.

Our children are still children. They will act immaturely. They will make bad decisions. This should not come as a surprise to us.  It is our job as parents to lovingly guide, correct, discipline, and teach our children. And then do it all again tomorrow. 

Learning To Trust

Friend, I cannot even put into words the blessing of our children. God, in His goodness, often uses both their sweet innocence as well as the parenting trials to teach us His truths, reveal our own areas of sin, and patiently lead us along the way.

We’ve got to drill into our minds the reality that God has given our children free will, and that ultimately He is in control—not us. Yes, our children are under our authority, but we need to fully grasp the meaning of God’s design for the family. As parents, we are called to bring up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). We are not called to make our children conform to all of our desires and expectations.

Yes, our kids will make some bad decisions, and those decisions will certainly have consequences. BUT those decisions will never be ours to make.

And yes, sometimes they will struggle in life through no fault of their own. God, in His wisdom, may even allow them to endure a trial that we would most definitely prefer to shield them from. But He never asks us to frantically step in and take over in an attempt to fix the problem.

As God has convicted me and worked on my heart in this area, He was shown me that ultimately my desire to control (which often leads to anxiety) is a lack of faith. I’m trusting in myself and limited ability to protect my children rather than trusting the Creator of the universe who spoke them into existence and whose love for them is even greater than my own.

Mama, what if we let go of our desire to control and simply began to trust in God’s faithfulness? What if our love for Him was so great that our thoughts naturally drifted towards Him throughout the day instead of to all of our worries and fears? What if our example before our children was actually worthy of their imitation?

May we faithfully pursue our Savior and pour the truths of God’s Word into our children’s hearts. Seek wisdom to raise these precious gifts for His glory. And watch them blossom into who He made them to be.

Learn more about Tabatha at her website https://ajoyfueledjourney.com/