How to Have a Good Argument

Fights, or disagreements, as my husband calls them, are healthy- all marriages have them. But most of us haven’t learned how to fight a good fight and bring harmony out of a disagreeable situation.

Instead, an argument erupts, and hurtful words and insults fly 

If you want to enjoy life and see many happy days, keep your tongue from speaking evil. ~ 1 Peter 3:10.

If we want to change the pattern of continual fights over the same things, we must stop hurting each other, and a solution we agree is worth trying.

The Fight or Disagreement

My husband and I had a pesky issue that could quickly turn into a fight or discussion- you choose your term for a disagreement. We sat on the couch and used a sticky notepad as the designated “Floor.” 

We kept on topic, listened carefully, and got through the discussion without lots of unnecessary emotion.

Pass the Floor

So, what’s the Floor?

I first learned about the Speaker – Listener technique, or as I remember, “Pass the Floor,” at a Family Life® Weekend to Remember. We were to practice conversing using the square on the back of the handbook with the word “Floor” printed on it.

The technique works like this: 

1. Sit facing each other without TV or other distractions.
2. The Speaker has the “Floor” and talks while the Listener pays attention without interrupting. Taking notes may need to remember what they heard.
3. Next, the Floor passes to the Listener, who becomes the Speaker and paraphrases what they heard, checking to make sure they heard correctly.
4. Once the person understands what was said, they give their ideas and opinions. 
5. The conversation repeats with Passing the Floor each time the Speaker changes. 

Some issues are so involved that couples may need several sessions of Pass the Floor before they reach a solution they agree to try.

Pass the Floor clears the air. Both sides express their views on the issues and ensure the other understands their option before working towards a joint resolution.