The other day I was thinking about my grandmother. She died fourteen years ago on October 31.  When I think about joy, laughter, and safety in my childhood, she is at the top of the list. Her house was a place I felt loved, accepted, and taken care of. Being the oldest, I took on a lot of responsibilities growing up, but at my grandmother’s house, I could be a child. Even when I was an adult, I was still taken care of. She died when I was twenty-seven. Just barely an adult. 

I didn’t know her as a young woman or even as a middle-aged woman. I knew her only as a grandmother, in old age. In old age, she had a tendency to see everything as gray. When I would talk to her, I felt like she didn’t see the things in this world as black and white – us versus them. 

Something amazing about her was that she attended the same church her entire life. From the age of eight or nine until her death, she attended the same church. Almost seventy years at one church. I’m sure that church went through various pastors, theology changes, and ministry upheavals. At one point, I remember my parents would ask her why she still attended because they believed a certain point of theology that she didn’t believe. 

I can see her waving her hand and dismissing them. Although a very important theological point and one I would take a pretty big one, she may have come to see that relationships and faithfulness were more important than being “right” or “wrong.” 

It had become a gray issue for her. 

Gray Issues

I’ll admit that particular theological point isn’t a gray issue for me, but it made me think about how I see everything so often in black and white. This or that. We or them. Truth and Untruth. I’m a big advocate for the Truth (based solely on the Bible), but I’ve also come to see that not everything is black and white. Not everything needs to be decided on. Not everything needs to be agreed about for there to be love and joy and peace. 

Seeing the world in more of a balance of views, trusting God to know it all, frees me to stop trying to figure out if I’m on the “right” side of an issue. I want to be right, and strive to understand the Bible and see that there are obvious truths I can’t compromise on, but there are so many more issues that are gray issues. 

When we accept that there are gray issues, I think it opens our hearts to having a conversation with people who might disagree with us. I keep coming back to Jesus’ words to the woman at the well: Speak the truth in love. 

How to Talk to Someone Who Disagrees

Here are five ways to talk to someone who disagrees with you: 

1. Focus on Love. We get so focused on truth and forget about love. Or we just love everyone that we think there is no truth. There is truth, but deciding what is worth a relationship or not comes easier at times. I want to be, as I get older, on the side of love. Loving people is the best way to bring them to Jesus anyway. 
2. Pray for open hearts. I can trust that if a person is seeking God, God will reveal the truth to them. I can pray for them to be open to the truth of the Bible. I can pray that I also will have eyes to see what God might be teaching me. 
3. Don’t feel the need to share. Often, people will know what I believe about “hot topic” issues. I don’t need to share those with the people who are in my life on a daily basis because they already know. And I certainly don’t need to share them with a stranger – especially if I know the stranger will disagree. I will share my beliefs if I am asked directly. 
4. Seek common ground. More often than not, we are going to find that people generally agree on the core issues. Things like joy, happiness, and family. Everyone wants to be loved and is seeking what they believe is best. Focusing the conversation on finding common ground will help to build a bridge. 
5. Nurture a relationship. If we see everyone – even those who might disagree – as a way to connect with people (made in the image of God), we will spend less time trying to convince them of the truth and start living in a better relationship with those around us. 

Comfort, Hope, and Peace

Anxiety can pull me down the rabbit hole of uncertainty, and I don’t like that feeling. I started reading the Psalms. Do you want to know what I found? 

Comfort. Hope. Peace. 

Purchase Sarah’s book The Glorious Ordinary: An Invitation to Study God’s Word in Your Everyday Life here.

This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Sarah Frazer

Featured Image by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

About the Author

My name is Sarah, and I’m so glad you have stopped by for a visit. I hope you feel welcome to come here with all of your weariness, stress, and worry. Believe me, I’ve been there.  Here, you will find ways to help you face disappointments, fears, and worries with God’s peace – by studying and learning about the Bible! 

 I don’t have it all together, but by God’s patient kindness, I’ve found something I want to share with you. Sometimes I feel like I’m always tired. After walking with God over the past thirty-plus years, He has taught me how to replace my weariness with strength and hope.

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