An awkward hush falls, as you simply run out of things to say. Your fledgling conversation with that other person has died a slightly embarrassing death. Now you, an introvert who is not socially robust, are left wondering how to revive the dialogue. Job might have described it best: “The thing which I greatly feared is come upon me” (3:25).
As an aspiring, introverted gospel preacher, you will need to fertilize the conversation so you won’t have to bear the unpleasant burden of carrying it all by yourself.
What’s Your Story?
Don’t launch into a litany of questions that can be answered in one sentence. Have you lived here long? Yes, I grew up here. Did you attend _____University? No, I went to a trade school. What do you do? I service HVAC systems. Now, obviously, if you continue this line of questioning for very long, you’re going to sound like an interrogator.
As soon as possible, try to enter a larger topical field. For one thing, you can ask for someone’s story, or at least a slice of life question like, “What led up to your moving here?” or “Why did you get involved in biomolecular engineering?” More specifically, you could ask about their encounters with religion. “Tell me about your experience with church” might get a robust dialogue going, even if the person is an atheist. It’s amazing how passionate people are about themselves, and how willing they are to make themselves the center of the conversation.
I want to warn you in advance, though—“let the buyer beware”—that if you solicit someone’s story, be prepared to listen. Although a lot of people like to talk about themselves, they aren’t necessarily good editors.
I visited one fellow weekly for a while, and had to make sure I drank two cups of coffee before sitting down with him. He wanted to vent about work-related issues—things like who did or didn’t deserve a promotion, and what the company could do better. It wasn’t compelling content for me, especially in the late afternoon. Eventually, the man came to Christ and grew into a dedicated believer, but that took a long time and a lot of caffeine.
Your conversations will definitely get a dose of adrenaline when you ask people about themselves. Even bashful folk have this sweet spot, and if they perceive you are genuinely interested, will quickly shed their inhibitions. As much as possible, go there with them. Be an authentic participant in the conversation. I typically not only listen for segues into the gospel, but anything that they said might have interested me. Hey, you just mentioned living next door to a quarry. What would it be like to do some rock collecting there? How do you feel your degree in creative writing has actually helped or hurt your writing? Call me a nerd, but these kinds of follow-up questions deal with things I am genuinely interested in. I’m not feigning curiosity for the sake of manipulating a conversation toward the gospel.
What’s Your Opinion?
In addition to personal stories, you might also ask some opinion-based questions. These could include questions of worldview, the large philosophical framework according to which a person orders his life (i.e., secular, religious, biblical, etc.). Or, social or cultural “hot topics.” Guaranteed, these questions will add a level of heat and passion to your conversation. You’re liable to hear rants about sexism, racism, fascism, xenophobia, homophobia, Islamophobia, swipes at the current presidential administration (or the previous one), or even at the church, or God Himself. Though the point is not to launch a debate, you’ll probably want to do at least a modicum of research before you wade into asking something like “What do you think is wrong with the world?” The optics aren’t great if you ask questions you know nothing about.
Remember, though, these conversations are supposed to provide an open door for the gospel, not bolster your ego as a debate champion. If the other person becomes uncharitable, don’t respond in kind—“He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (Prov. 16:32). A self-controlled believer is powerful, indeed.
Buckle your seat belt. In the midst of fertilized conversations like these, people will often end up being honest and saying things that offend you deeply. If you find yourself without the temperament (or grace) to allow some controversial points to pass in silence, maybe opinion-oriented dialogue is not for you. Stick to gentler forms of interpersonal discovery and present your gospel within that framework, instead.
The Moment of Truth
Still, testy moments in the gospel tend to reveal what is in your heart. For instance, will you, in a sudden, heated emotional reaction, choose to elevate another identity above that of being an ambassador of Christ? Will you choose to argue for and advance points related to being a Republican or a Democrat? Will you be conservative or liberal? Will you be white, or black, or tan, or yellow, or red? Will you be male or female? If your ultimate identity lies in any of these, more than likely, you will not be able to share the gospel.
We have allowed our culture to prime us, even coach us in the fine art of offense. As a result, our hearts may well be too full of bias and potential anger to share the good news, especially if the person we’re talking to has just said something objectionable to our sensitivities.
In contrast, you can decide to be a preacher of the gospel of Christ. That means you skirt the tar pits of controversy rather than blundering into them. Remember, if you did ask for an opinion related to a hot topic, it was supposed to provide you with an on-ramp into the gospel, not a back alley brawl.
In fertilizing a conversation, you can also ask other questions that have clear gospel intersections, like, “What do you think is wrong with the world?” or, “What can be done about the problems of today?”
If I model respect, at some point, the other person may ask me, “What do you think?”
At that point, it’s time for an eyedropper response (see my last post, “Pursue the Conversation”). I might answer based on Genesis 3, saying, “I think something went terribly wrong at the very beginning of mankind, and now we are messed up in every conceivable way. That’s why each of us needs a Savior.”
Regardless of how you ask or answer, settle in your own mind beforehand that I am a gospel preacher just like the kind in the Bible; I point people to Jesus and eternal life.
A Useless Post?
A post like this will be useless unless you do something with it. We could banter back and forth about the finer points of evangelism, and how you might have a better concept of it or a more correct way of expressing it than I do. My response: “Great, how’s that working for you?” The fact is, nothing actually works unless you do it. D.L. Moody once said, “I prefer my way of preaching the gospel over your way of not preaching it.”
“Lord, give grace to this introvert gospel preacher, so I can participate in your great work of blessing souls.”
Never be afraid to pray a prayer like that.
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This is an updated edition of a post originally published on John Myer
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