Jacob wrestled with God and it left him with a limp. Peter denied Jesus and would forever have a limp in his soul. Thomas doubted and his name forever has been given a limp. Yet, were these men any different than us? If you don’t have a limp then you probably haven’t traveled the long journey with Jesus.
- King David fell into sexual sin and murder
- Moses didn’t delegate well and got angry
- Jonah ran away from God’s call
- Elijah got depressed and wanted to die
- Noah was found naked and drunk
- Abraham and Sarah lied
And the list goes on…
And yet, God counts these men and women among the great men and women of God. They were heroes but they were human too. They won many battles but the battle within the human soul (mind, will and emotions) never relents and sometimes leaves us with a limp.
These all became their limps— a limp can be physical or it can be a place where your soul has been humbled, tested, and found needing salvation.
All of us have seasons of great victories and great achievements but often those times are followed by a battle that reminds us of our weakness and our frailties. This surely has been true in my life and in the lives of most believers—
We often want to hide the hard seasons and boast in the triumphant victories but that kind of behavior does not help the one who right now is depressed and wanting to die, or is naked and drunk, or who has fallen into sin— or just feels lost and alone. Jesus came for the sick, not the well. And though we are supposed to be the “well”, sometimes we fail and sometimes we fall short by withholding our surrender and end up with a limp.
The past two years for me personally have had amazing moments and opportunities but within my soul— it has been a personal wrestle. I don’t know why or how it began but it has truly brought me to my knees. I am more keenly aware of my humanity and my weaknesses than ever before. And it has left me with a permanent limp in my soul.
This season has also brought me face-to-face with the absolute patience and kindness of God. He has never held back his love or affection even when I had times that I desired escape more than intimacy with him.
When my weaknesses caused me to come up short of reaching him— the strength of his love and mercy reached even further to meet me. His love made up for every shortcoming.
Did I fall into sin? Well, not the blatant kind that disqualifies us in title or position but in my heart I felt so weakened that I began to withhold time, passion, and my full “yes” became polluted with counting the cost. So, yes— in my heart I sinned. I don’t say that with condemnation but with gratitude for the grace and mercy by which we are all saved. Maybe I had to once again experience the weakness of my soul to come back to the place of true grace and first love.
The gratitude I once again feel and am experiencing for his kindness and mercy easily brings me to tears. The awareness of the cost of the cross is more real to me than ever. The suffering of my Savior has been poured over my head with the blood that cleanses me anew.
As I have come before the cross once again—
- I am experiencing seeing the bloody lashes that tore his flesh become healing to my flesh.
- I am experiencing seeing the thorns that cut through his brow redeem the thorns that desire to entangle my soul.
- I am experiencing seeing the nails that pierced his hands and feet remove the piercing condemnation of my guilt.
- I am experiencing hearing the mocking and accusations that he received washing away the enemy’s powerful accusations that began to rob my peace.
- I am experiencing seeing and feeling his final breath as he declares, “It is finished” as the final blow to any works that I came to the cross with— leaving me in the absolute grip of his grace. His final breath is breathing life into me again.
And now I have a limp.
My limp is the keen awareness of my own weakness. Yet that limp is the very thing that has caused me to lean fully upon his strength and righteousness. My gifts are nothing apart from his grace, my name is nothing apart from his name, and my righteousness is nothing but filthy rags apart from his righteousness (which is perfect). My limp has become my gift.
My wounding in the wilderness that has left me with a limp has also brought me to this truth,
Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved?” Song of Solomon 8:5
If you are experiencing a wounding or a time of humbling— even failure— that leaves you with a permanent limp then remember that the limp is an invitation into leaning! It will be how you lean on the everlasting arms of Jesus from this time forward. Allow yourself to be taken to the cross where your salvation was secured once again. Let love wash you and let grace save you once again.
Your limp will now be a testimony of his mercy to all who are wrestling and wounded.
Purchase Kathi’s book The Yielding: A Lifestyle of Surrender here.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Inscribe Ministries
Featured Image by Brian Mann on Unsplash
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