It never ceases to amaze me how many people hop from church to church. Their excuses vary but often can be boiled down to one statement: the leadership was too controlling. Here’s the problem with that statement. If you only moved from one church to another over the course of ten or twenty years, you might be right. The leadership may have been too controlling. But, if you have been to four different churches in five years (or something similar), it may not be the leaders that are controlling. Let me put it a different way. If you’ve moved from one church in your life, you probably met a controlling leader. If every church you go to has a “controlling leader,” you might be the controlling person.
If you are seriously concerned about your church and its environment, here’s a little test you can take to gauge the toxicity of your fellowship. Be honest about the questions below. Check your heart for motive and, most importantly, if you’ve already left three churches in the last four years (or something similar), please don’t take this quiz.
1. Do you EVER feel like you can’t visit another church because if you do your church leaders will get angry?
2. Do you ever feel suspicious of other church leaders (from other churches) because your leaders say that you can’t trust other church leaders?
3. Have you ever been told that if you don’t give your money to your specific church, you will be under a curse?
4. Does the church leadership spend an excessive amount of time with the youth, separating them from their parents and other adults as often as possible?
5. Do you and/or those around you regularly talk negatively about people that have left your church?
6. Have you ever been told that if you leave the church, you will become sick, poor, or miss your destiny?
7. Do you or others around you, in your church, often have a sense of hopelessness? You may be told to be happy, look good, act right but do you feel hopeless?
8. Do you ever feel like some of your leaders had other leaders from your church removed from their position because of fear or jealousy?
9. Have you ever felt that your loyalty to God is measured by your loyalty to the leader or leaders of your church?
10. Do you easily get mad and/or critical when thinking about the people that have left your church?
11. Do your church leaders make you feel like you cannot make any life decisions without running everything through them?
12. Are you ever afraid of communicating to your church leaders about how you really feel?
13. Do your leaders constantly ask you to serve them, but never ask how they can serve you?
14. Do your leaders consistently remind you of all that they’ve done for you, making you feel second class?
15. Do you regularly feel like you cannot respectfully ask any questions or share your perspective without feeling like you are being rebellious and insubordinate?
16. Have you ever felt like the leaders are hiding something from you?
17. Is there noticeable contention among the leaders in your church?
18. Are leaders and staff members asked or required to sign NDA’s?
19. Does your church operate with Biblical authority according to what can be seen in the books of Acts, 1 Timothy, and Titus?
20. Is the church consistently growing or shrinking?
21. Does your church have an open books policy when it comes to finances? Can you look up their tax return filings with the IRS?
22. What is the Holy Spirit really telling you about your current church situation?
If you can identify with more than half of these questions, you may be in a toxic environment. Ultimately, you must pray and see what the Lord is telling you about your situation. On the other hand, it is seldom possible to make wise decisions in the midst of a toxic environment. Many times, the best answer is to get away for an extended time so you can clearly hear the Lord.
One thing you want to keep in mind is this. What is the overall quality of fruit being produced by the ministry? If you see or experience an abundance of bad fruit, your desire may be to try and change the environment. The challenge is that, often, the soil is bad and the only way change can happen is if the trees are transplanted in order to facilitate healthy growth.
Toxic church environments are hard to navigate and the decisions people have to make regarding those environments are never easy. Prayer is always the best solution. Pray often about your situation but don’t let indecision stop you from moving forward. King David, a man after God’s heart, tried to work within a toxic ministry environment but after a short while he left because he had to do what was best for him. The key is that, even after leaving, David had a heart of forgiveness. He knew Saul was wrong for trying to kill him but David wasn’t out for revenge. He wanted the best for his king while also seeking the best for himself and those under his authority.
Father, help us all to discern if we are healthy trees bearing good fruit. Forgive us for ever creating unhealthy environments for your children. We want the best for your body and ask you to empower us to be healthy sheep and healthy leaders.
Featured Image by Andrew Martin from Pixabay
Comments are closed.