Recently, I was listening to an interview that Sheila Walsh did with author Francis Chan. One of the comments Sheila made was that she loved the way Francis thought for a moment before answering the questions she asked. Watching the interview reminded me of when I was a little girl and someone wisely said to me, “Becky, you don’t have to say everything that comes to your mind. Some thoughts are meant to stay inside our heads.” That same principle holds true in friendship. You don’t have to say every thought that comes to mind. Practice thinking before you speak. Learn to choose your words wisely.
The wise writer of Proverbs wrote, “Do you see someone who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for them” (Proverbs 29:20). Isn’t that the truth?! Most of us have said things at times that we wish we hadn’t.
A person who doesn’t think before they speak gets themselves in trouble. They offer opinions without considering all sides of a topic. They often say something rash that they later regret.
We’ve become an impulsive culture. We’re used to doing everything fast. As a result, we lack the wisdom to pause and consider what we’re about to say. We fail to heed the wisdom of Solomon in Ecclesiastes 5:2, where he cautions, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God.” Here’s the thing: words spoken in haste can bring destruction.
Think about people who have stormed out of an office with the words, “I quit!” without thinking about the implications of those words. Or the spouse who becomes enraged and speaks damaging words they will regret for a lifetime. At times, when we’re quick with our mouths, we’re not even angry. Perhaps we’re seeking to help, but we offer a solution without taking time to understand the problem.
How Do We Curb Our Impulsive Tongues?
Put the Pause In. Learning the art of putting the pause in conversations takes skill, but in the end, it saves you a whole lot of headaches and apologies! When you put the pause in, you stop rapid-fire answers. Instead, you take time to think about the potential impact of the words spoken. You internally consider questions like, “How will my comments come across?”
Shift Your Focus From What You’re Going to Say to Being Curious. So often in our conversations with friends, as they’re talking, we are planning what we’re going to say next. This is a mistake. Instead, we need to lean in and remain curious. If we fix our focus on understanding what they’re saying, it slows down what we’re going to say. In the end, that allows us to cultivate curiosity rather than striving to say the right thing.
Learn to Live Life on Two Levels. On one level, you might be having a conversation with a friend, but on a much deeper level, you are staying in communion with the Holy Spirit. You’re listening for His voice, His wisdom, and His direction. When you learn to live life on two levels, you will understand the meaning of Paul when he writes that we are to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). Ultimately, the only way to not speak with haste is the presence and power of the Holy Spirit. This is why it is so important to live life on two levels.
If you want to enjoy deeper friendships, learn to put the pause in your conversations. Consider what you’re going to say rather than just running your mouth. As a result, you’ll feel more deeply connected.
Oh Lord Jesus, I ask You to put Your almighty hand over my mouth. Help me to remember to think before I speak. I pray that I will consider how my words might come across and then edit them accordingly. Fill me, I pray, with Your Spirit! Help me to slow down long enough in conversation so that my words are used to bless others.
Purchase Becky’s latest book Cultivating Deeper Connections in A Lonely World here.
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