EXPEDITION MARRIAGE: When Love Feels Like a Roller Coaster – Understanding the Vacillator in Marriage

Chris and Jamie Bailey

EXPEDITION MARRIAGE: When Love Feels Like a Roller Coaster - Understanding the Vacillator in Marriage

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THE EXPEDITION MARRIAGE PODCAST

WITH HOSTS CHRIS AND JAMIE BAILEY

AUDIO PODCAST

Does your relationship ever feel like it swings from intense connection to deep frustration—and then back again? If so, you may be married to a Vacillator. In today’s episode, we’re diving into what it’s like to live and love with this emotional love style, and how you can find more stability and connection together.

💬 “Being married to a Vacillator can feel like navigating emotional whiplash—passionate connection one moment, frustration and distance the next.”

This episode is all about understanding the why behind the ups and downs—and learning how to build trust and steadiness in a sensitive, emotionally-charged marriage.

🧭 What You’ll Learn:

• What defines the Vacillator Love Style and where it originates
• Why Vacillators often feel disappointed or emotionally overwhelmed
• The impact this love style has on a marriage
• What a Vacillator truly needs from their spouse
• How Vacillators themselves can grow emotionally and spiritually

💡 Key Traits of a Vacillator:

• Craves deep connection, but fears rejection
• Easily feels hurt or let down by perceived distance
• Struggles with waiting, emotional regulation, and trust
• Idealizes, then devalues their spouse when expectations aren’t met

📖 Scriptures Mentioned:

• Isaiah 30:18 – “The Lord longs to be gracious to you…”
• 1 Corinthians 13:4–5 – “Love is patient, love is kind… it is not easily angered…”
• Psalm 62:5–6 – “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence… He only is my rock…”

❤️ 3 Practical Things Vacillators Need:

1. Consistent and Predictable Connection → Small follow-throughs build trust and soothe abandonment fears.
2. Attuned Listening Without Defensiveness → Validation and reflection are more healing than explanation.
3. Grace When They Emotionally Escalate → Compassion in their emotional moments creates safety, not shame.

💬 “Vacillators heal when love stops being unpredictable and starts becoming trustworthy.”

🎯 Take Action:

• 📤 Share this episode with someone navigating emotional cycles in their marriage
• 🌐 Visit ExpeditionMarriage.org for biblical tools and counseling

• • ⭐️ Leave a review to help others find truth and encouragement

Links mentioned on the show: 

Not Your Average Man (NYAM) PODCAST https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/not-your-average-man/id1640507187

30-Day Praying for your Husband https://expeditionmarriage.org/30-day-praying-for-your-husband-challenge/

30-Day Praying for your Wife https://expeditionmarriage.org/30-day-praying-for-your-wife-challenge/

Newlywed Couples Devotional https://expeditionmarriage.org/newlywed-couples-devotional/

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About the Author

Chris and Jamie Bailey are professional Christian counselors and marriage coaches. They run their private practice as well as online ministry, Expedition Marriage, from their home in Fort Mill, SC. They are the parents of three adult daughters and two adorable grandchildren. Together they run weekend marriage retreats, offer guest speaking, one day seminars, as well as run workshops in person and online. Together they hope to encourage Christian marriages and help them thrive abundantly.

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