Love Is Not a Know It All

Looking at what love is not, I catch myself with little thoughts, words, and actions that I used to think were insignificant, but they have more impact than I realized. I noticed I’m not as loving as I’d like to be and sometimes act like a Know-It-All.

Based on insights from 1 Corinthians, this series examines what love is not rather than what it is. This fresh perspective helped me see how to be more loving. For example:

Love does not demand its own way~ 1 Corinthians 13:5 NLT

The Message translation puts it: Love doesn’t’ strut or have a swelled head.

Are You a Know-It-All?

Know-it-alls tend to interrupt conversations, tell people they’ve had it worse, or tell them how to solve a problem the right way. These individuals seem to believe their way of doing things is the only right way. We often perceive a know-it-all’s behavior as criticism, and we prefer to receive encouragement instead. 

The Bible tells us to Do to others as you would like them to do unto us. (Luke 6:31) If I don’t like it when my husband interrupts me and tries to correct what I’ve said, I should also consider whether I want to fix what he says. Or maybe it’s time to stop? 

Say It or Not

I’ve learned it’s not my responsibility to correct my husband, a friend, or an acquaintance. If my husband talks about details from our experiences, for example, if my husband says we went somewhere on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, I don’t need to interject and say we left Thursday night. Similarly, correcting him doesn’t contribute to the conversation if he mentions that we traveled on a specific weekend, and I know we went on a different weekend.

While accurate details may be necessary in a court of law, they generally don’t matter in casual conversations with friends.

One-Upmanship

When a friend shares their physical ailment, surgery, or other challenges with me, I have two choices. I can share my experience to show empathy and understanding or engage in one-upmanship by trying to prove I’d had it worse. However, engaging in one-upmanship doesn’t demonstrate care or compassion. Instead, I want to listen to and understand their pain because I can remember the difficulty of recovery.

If You Are a Know-It-All

As a little girl, my dad and mom took me camping. Daddy would make pancakes in the morning, and if I complained about them, guess who made them the following day? I did. When you become the know-it-all, you often inadvertently do the task yourself. 

1. –Don’t interrupt. If you feel the need to interrupt a conversation, take a moment to consider whether what you want to say is necessary. Does it matter if my husband says we sold a few books or a lot? Maybe our definitions of a lot differ. I don’t believe correcting him outweighs the damage I’d do interrupting him ruely.
2. Accept imperfect help. Many women tend to act like know-it-alls, especially in the home. They believe they know the best way to load the dishwasher and feel the need to correct their husbands. But if you correct him, he might stop helping altogether. If you want his help, let him do it without your comments.
3. Ask God if you should pray it or say it. Consider how the other person will receive your words. Acting like a know-it-all could make the other person feel less confident. Will your correction offer encouragement, praise, and building up? Usually not.  

Married to a Know-It-All

My friend’s husband recently retired from the military and was used to giving people orders. However, when he came home, his wife did not want to be ordered around. It’s much easier to listen when asked in a loving, kind way.

This woman’s husband tried to tell her how to feed the dog. She’d fed the dog for about ten years without his help and didn’t appreciate his interference, so she got upset. But this didn’t stop him from making those types of comments. Instead, he got defensive and more directive. 

The Bible says that a gentle answer turns away wrath. (Proverbs 15:1)

How to Respond to a Know-It-All

When dealing with a know-it-all, learning how to defuse this situation and prevent an argument is important. Simple comments such as Okay, Thanks, or I hear you work to calm the atmosphere. Alternatively, we can choose not to respond at all. The moment we react in anger, we initiate an argument.

Here are three strategies to handle a conversation with a know-it-all.

1. Step back: If someone tries to tell us how to do a job like the woman with the dog or solve an issue we already know how to fix, it’s best to respond with Oh, Okay, or Sure to avoid a a confrontation.
2. Listen attentively: I shared a problem with my husband, and he raised some concerns. I listened carefully and then said,” I heard your concerns. Please tell me more because I want to understand.” Maybe I even needed to pray about what he said and come back later to talk about the issue again. 
3. Express appreciation: People wanted to help me recover after brain surgery. They told me to do this, go here, take this, and do that and offered helpful suggestions. However, the best way to handle unsolicited advice is to say thank you or that I appreciate your suggestion instead of arguing.

I’ve learned to actively listen to my husband, friends, and clients and consider the meaning behind their words. When deciding whether to interrupt a conversation to share my thoughts, I pray and ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. While I sometimes break into a conversation to challenge a person’s statement, especially when I’m confused or see contradictions or untruths, I find it’s usually best to pray about it instead.