It’s no secret that I didn’t want to be a pastor’s wife. When Andy and I got married, I told him I was glad he had no plans of becoming a pastor because all the boys I liked growing up did, and I didn’t want to live that life.

Well, here I am, nearly a decade into ministry life. Along with having more than four children, sending my kids to public school, and living in rural northern Minnesota next to my in-laws, my life consists of many things I said it never would.

I can laugh now because these once non-negotiable things are some of the richest parts of my life. But I was far from laughing in the trenches of letting go. My heart ached, and I wrestled, questioning how these things could be good. After all, my reasons for not wanting them were sensible and pious—holy even, and it didn’t make sense that they could be where God was leading.

It was hard in these areas to recognize that while I had one hand open in surrender to God, the other was closed tight around my understanding. But God, in His mercy, pried my fingers off my preferences to reveal how even godly logic and reason didn’t hold weight in His ways.

God wasn’t asking me to discern His will. He was asking me to trust it.

I write this today because we all (myself included) tend to lean on our understanding of God instead of relying on God Himself, time and time again. But the Bible instructs us in Proverbs 3 to not be wise in our own eyes and to trust God at His word with our whole hearts. It even says it will be “healing to our flesh, and refreshment to our bones.”

God’s ways often don’t make sense to us because they’re so much greater than our own, but we don’t need to know how the details of our lives will unfold because we have the promises of God holding us in love. He has proven His trustworthiness throughout the generations as He’s revealed His abounding and steadfast love to His people and His faithful hand at work in secret places. As His children, we are more valuable to Him than the stars He knows by name, the birds in the air He feeds, and the flowers of the valley He clothes in splendor. His sovereignty is more than sufficient, and we can cling to His unchanging faithfulness and the promises He’s given us in his word even when today doesn’t quite make sense.

If you’re wrestling with letting go of your own non-negotiables, dare to lay them down on the table and say, not my will, Lord, but yours be done. 

He will supply a feast of His faithfulness for you to taste and see.

This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Kristina Ward

Featured Image by Julentto Photography on Unsplash

About the Author

Kristina M. Ward is a servant of Jesus, a pastor’s wife, and a mother of six (three through adoption). As a Ministry Leader at Arise Church, she helps equip saints for the work of the ministry through discipleship and soul care. As a writer of stories, songs, and poetry, she hopes to nurture as many hearts as possible in the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Kristina’s writing has been featured in Fathom Mag, Love What Matters, and other publications. Her leadership in the local church includes women’s, worship, and counseling ministry, and she is in the process of becoming a certified biblical counselor. Kristina loves deep conversation, making her husband laugh, and lingering on the shores of Lake Superior, where she calls Northern Minnesota home.

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