I remember when my family moved from New York to Missouri in June 1971. I was about to turn 13. It was a major move for me. It was hard leaving a home and a school that I had lived in since second or third grade. Flash forward to July 1999. My family was moving back to the U.S. after serving three years in Germany. This move was an especially difficult one for my 11-year-old son.
This summer, just like any other, there are thousands of families who have made job-related moves. Starting a new job is hard enough, but relocating to an area where you have never lived and where you have no support systems established, such as family, friends, and church, is quite stressful for anyone. Where can the ordinary Christian look for assistance to be able to navigate these rough waters?
Two years ago, I wrote an article entitled, “Where Do I Find God When I Start a New Job?” where I only scratched the surface of the family aspects of the move. I wish to expand on those ideas to provide some biblical wisdom to assist you and your family in making the necessary adjustments when you or your spouse has to relocate to start a new job. Perhaps I could provide some encouraging words to make the move less painful and ensure a smooth transition for all.
An opportunity to trust God
In the article I mentioned above, I shared about my active-duty moves. My wife and I understood that each time I was up for reassignment, there was an “angel in uniform” who watched over the process. God needed my family and I to be His representatives to do His work at the right place at the right time as we were stationed around the country and overseas. We always knew that God was with us and that He had a variety of purposes in mind to use us for His glory and our good.
Before I focus on practical suggestions on how to help your family, I would be remiss if I did not identify that this move that all of you are experiencing is a work-related trial that is going to provide you, your spouse, and your children an opportunity to lean on God as He takes you through this transition.
I mentioned the term “work-related trial” above. We learn in Gen. 3:17-19 that God put a curse on work due to Adam’s sin. He declared that thorns and thistles would grow amongst the crops that Adam and Eve were called to care for in the Garden (Gen. 2:15). Every aspect of work, including making a job transition of any kind, and especially one that involves a major move to a new location will be much harder than you expect. It will be more painful, time-consuming, and disappointing.
However, we are taught to rejoice in our trials even before we see God working them out. Scripture provides many promises that you and your family need to meditate on as you work through the unrelenting tasks over the next several months of getting settled in a new community:
- Prov. 3:4-5 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight”
- Matt. 11:28 – “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest”
- John 14:27 – “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
- James 1:2-3 – “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance”
Let me now expand on what I hinted at briefly in my previous article.
Understand what your kids are going through
Many years ago, I learned that a family move is a high-level stress-inducing event. It is up there on a point scale, along with similar major crises such as the death of a spouse, serious illness, or divorce.
Thinking back on our move from Germany, I let my own stress level impact how I responded to my son’s acting out. I did not control my own anger well at all. A verse that comes to mind is Eph. 6:4: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” I have a note in my Bible that defines “do not provoke” as “be gentle.” I should have been a father who was “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).
Incidentally, during this same move, my 14-year-old daughter was also struggling, but in a much quieter manner. She not only left a handful of good friends behind, but she was also still grieving over the miscarriage that my wife had the previous year. She dealt with all of it in her own way. I guess, as loving parents, we have to check in with the quiet ones as well as those who are more verbal in their struggles.
Spend focused time and energy to help all adjust
For a pre-teen child, the abrupt loss of their social network of school friends is going to take a long time to get over and to find suitable replacements. Your child, who is dealing with this loss, will need more than an occasional hug from you. He or she will need quality and quantity time and attention, which will be a challenge to do as you may have to work longer hours to adapt to new job requirements.
In addition to your children’s needs, do not forget to take care of what your spouse might need. In addition to helping with the unpacking chores, do not neglect the practical things they need to know right away, such as finding the nearest hospital, convenience store, and where you work. Take an interest in the kids’ new schools. Make it a priority to visit a church on Sunday.
Lastly, what is it that you need to do to address your own losses and get yourself more settled? Before you dedicate yourself to working as unto the Lord in your new job, take the time allotted to get acquainted with your own surroundings and see all that God has provided for your well-being. Find the places you need to unwind and be renewed after work, such as a gym, movie theaters, restaurants, or parks.
Try not to get overly involved in ministry activities right away
I have one more topic I feel the need to address. Those who are Type A personalities may not like it, but here it is.
It is important for all Christians to get involved in a local church or chapel congregation in some way, once you find one that seems to be a good fit. However, I would wisely caution you to take some time, as much as you think you need, to get yourself settled, without feeling guilty for not serving right away.
My wife has often shared with young military wives who are new to our community at Fort Leonard Wood how it took her six months or more before she felt totally settled in a new duty station. She does this to give them realistic expectations. She learned, sometimes the hard way, not to get overly involved in ministry activities until our kids and her were more or less unpacked in our new house.
Closing thoughts
When you make it a priority to focus on your family’s needs immediately following a major move, you are obeying the greatest commandment, which Jesus taught is right up there with loving God.
You are loving your neighbor. (See Matt. 22:39.) Of course, I am not talking about the family who lives on your right or left or across the street from your new home. Your most biblically significant neighbor is your spouse and your children. Don’t lose sight of that when starting a new job. Love them in practical ways. You will be glad you made the heavy up-front investment first.
The big picture I want you to see is that God has great plans for you. He placed you and your family where he needs you to be at the right time to represent Jesus to the people you will meet in your new job, at your kids’ schools, church, and right next door. You might minister to them, or they might minister to you. Either way, you are going to be an answer to somebody’s prayer. Since God is present with you everywhere you go, even at work, He will work with, in, and through you to love others around you through what you and your family do every day.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Russ Gehrlein
Featured Image by Trista from Pixabay
