From Fearful to Faithful (Transformed by His Living Word)

My parents divorced when I was five and my childhood was filled with self-doubt, a broken heart, bitterness, and a fear of men.  I was insecure and afraid of many things, including interacting with people.  I had a difficult time speaking to anyone outside of my circle of immediate family and close friends.   I internalized my feelings and let them dictate my self-worth.

At the age of 13, a friend invited me to a summer Bible camp. It was the first time I was around Christians who prayed and talked like they knew God intimately.  One night after a time of worship and teaching I walked back to my cabin alone and told God that I wanted to know Him the way that those other Christians knew Him.  His still small voice was clear and to the point – He said, “Read my Word.” From that moment on, I was motivated by the Holy Spirit to read the Bible from beginning to end.  I committed to reading at least one chapter a day in my NLT Children’s Bible to help me understand it.  It took me two years to read through the entire Bible the first time. That next Christmas I was gifted with a study Bible.

My life was forever transformed once I started daily reading His Living Word. I began learning more about why I sin and why I needed a Savior. I learned about God’s Son, Jesus, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. I learned that He was familiar with all my ways. I didn’t need to be anxious about anything because He desired good and not harm for me. He gave me His confidence and He enabled me to speak with people around me. I didn’t have to hide or be ashamed of my home life anymore because my past was now hidden in Christ. He redeemed me. He washed my sin away. He gave me new life and a purpose. In the process of surrendering my life to Christ and being baptized, the Holy Spirit gave me a voice.  As I started to understand who I was as a new creation in Christ, my confidence started to grow and I had the courage to do things that I never would have attempted before.  He gave me the desire and the courage to start a Student Bible Club at my high school, to recite from memory Psalm 139 to my entire English Literature class, and to lead small group Bible studies with my peers.  He enabled me to give hope to frightened teenagers at three different Care Net Crisis Pregnancy Centers.  I could not have done those things before Jesus breathed His life into me.

I started to break out of my “shell” of fear, self-doubt, and all the other negative emotions that had once held me back so that I could grow into the person God created me to be.  It wasn’t that my fear was suddenly gone, but I became less fearful as I became more faithful – by spending time in His Word, surrounding myself with other Christians who were growing in their relationship with God, and trusting in His plan for me.  I stopped letting fear of failure hold me back because I knew that Jesus was with me at every step.  By faith in Christ, I trust His promises and I believe that He will equip me for every good thing to do His will.

“Now may the God of peace…equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.”  (Hebrews 13:20-21)

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  (Ephesians 2:10)

 The key message that I want to leave is to read your Bible and pray daily!  Our battle is not against flesh and blood.  It is so important to wash yourself with God’s Living Word, even if you have to start out by reading a Children’s Bible!   Spending time with God is the only way to silence the lies of Satan.  The Bible tells us that, “The thief comes only to kill, steal and destroy. I (Jesus Christ) came that they may have life and have it abundantly” (John 10:10).  He is the answer to a life of meaning, of value, and of purpose.I would also encourage other Christians to memorize this verse from Galatians 2:20:  “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me.”

My life has been transformed by welcoming Jesus into it and seeking to know Him on a personal level.  I am no longer that person I once was – and by His Holy Spirit that now dwells in me, I have never felt more alive!  I still struggle, but now I know to take my fears and insecurities to Jesus.  I know how to renew my mind with God’s Word.  I know that my struggles are not against flesh and blood, but a battle in the spiritual realm that needs to be dealt with spiritually through prayer in Jesus Christ.  I pray that you will also welcome Jesus into your heart and allow His Word to transform your life!