“Be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” — Matthew 10:16
There’s a misconception in the Church that forgiveness means keeping toxic people close. That setting boundaries is unkind. That if we truly love Jesus, we’ll continue to “turn the other cheek”—even as someone slanders, manipulates, or wounds us repeatedly.
But Jesus never asked us to be doormats. He called us to be discerning.
Yes, we are called to forgive. Every time. Freely and fully, just as Christ has forgiven us. But forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness happens in your heart. Reconciliation requires repentance, change, and trust that has been rebuilt.
And what about grace?
We are often told to “extend grace”—and yes, grace is part of Christian love. But let’s not forget: grace is a gift. It is not owed. It is offered from a heart aligned with Christ—but it only takes root where there is humility and truth.
God’s grace is free, but it’s not cheap. It transforms the truly repentant, not the manipulative. So no, you are not wrong to stop extending access to someone who has no desire to change. Grace does not mean letting someone continually abuse your kindness. That’s not grace—that’s enabling.
If someone shows you who they are—believe them. Proverbs 4:23 says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” That means you are not obligated to allow access to someone who’s proven they’ll misuse your trust. You can forgive them and release them to God’s mercy—and still say, “I will not allow you to speak into my life anymore.”
You can wish someone well and not invite them to dinner. You can pray for their healing and protect your peace. That’s not bitterness. That’s wisdom.
Jesus Himself walked away from people. He avoided certain towns. He didn’t chase Judas. And after His resurrection, He didn’t appear to Pilate or the Pharisees to prove a point—He appeared to the ones He trusted.
Forgiveness is freedom. Boundaries are protection. And both can exist together in a holy, healing life.
Reflection Questions:
• Am I confusing being “nice” with being holy?
• Have I been offering grace where there’s no repentance?
• What healthy boundaries do I need to restore peace and protect my dignity?
Closing Prayer:
Lord Jesus, help me walk in Your mercy—but also in Your wisdom. Teach me how to forgive with a whole heart while honoring the dignity You’ve placed within me. Remind me that Your grace is powerful, but it is not meant to be trampled. Give me the courage to set boundaries, to walk away when needed, and to trust You with the hearts of others. Amen.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Holy Beautiful Life
Featured Image by gretta vosper on Unsplash
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