Dealing with Personality Clashes in Marriage

Frequent disagreements tore us apart emotionally and destroyed the closeness we once felt.

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When he doesn’t do it your way, what do you do? 

Get angry, yell, threaten, or walk out of the room?  

I was right, and he was wrong. But he insisted he was right, and I was wrong. 

The argument got louder and louder until I walked out of the room in weariness. 

Our struggle to control turned us into a two-headed monster going nowhere. We both wanted to take charge and believed our way was right. One of us had to budge.

Frequent disagreements tore us apart emotionally and destroyed the closeness we once felt. I feared our quarrels doomed us to constant unrest. Since we didn’t get along, I even considered leaving. 

 

Our Personalities Aren’t the Same 

When I discovered the personality types, I found a tool to understand why we kept fighting. Arguments when occurred when our two different personalities tried to live together.

The four basic personalities with the Linked Personalities® are Socializer, Mobilizer, Organizer, and Stabilizer – most of us marry our opposite.  

A Socializer likes to have fun, and a Mobilizer seeks to control. An Organizer keeps everything in its place, but the Stabilizer doesn’t care about a few dirty dishes. 

Even if we share the same personality, it still has the potential to cause conflict. Say both people want the closets in perfect order, but two Organizers will have different ideas for accomplishing it.

Two Stabilizers don’t want to disturb the peace and can’t decide on a restaurant, so they eat leftovers at home.  

 

Live In Peace 

If you bicker often, consider your personalities. Which person thrives on adventures? Who takes control? Which one desires a life perfect, and which craves peace? Is the dispute due to a personality clash? 

The Bible encourages us to make an effort to live in peace with everyone. Do all that you can to live in harmony with everyone. ~Romans 12:18 

 

How to Stop the Fights 

We learned to discuss the biggest issues and accept those that didn’t matter as much. Every concern wasn’t significant. 

Most of the time, I followed his lead and stopped trying to take control. Instead, I shared my opinion when I thought he needed my input to make the right decision ─ sometimes very firmly. I’m not perfect. 

The Bible says it this way:  

Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to His church, not by domineering but by cherishing. ~Ephesians 5:22-23 MSG 

This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Joyce Zook

Featured Image by asaf on Unsplash

 
The views and opinions expressed by Kingdom Winds Collective Members, authors, and contributors are their own and do not represent the views of Kingdom Winds LLC.

About the Author

Joyce Zook is an award-winning author, international speaker, and Board Certified Advanced Christian Life and Marriage Coach. She is a weekly video blogger and the author of 12 Keys for Marriage Success, Priorities for Life, and God and Your Closet. Joyce speaks, teaches, and coaches women to love their lives and their marriages while creating success and balance. In the last twenty years, her ministry has grown with the help of the internet, telephones, and video conferences to reach people across the United States and in foreign countries.

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