I have a collection of letters stored carefully underneath my bed. There are approximately 30 to 40 of them, and each one is addressed to my future husband.
I started writing them when I was 15 years old after my friend Meagan told me about hers. She shared how it helped with the loneliness. The disappointments. How it channeled her hopes and desires into something tangible.
Over the past ten years, I’ve accumulated an impressive collection. Most of them were written in the early days—before my first kiss, before my first date, before I said “I love you” for the first time. Some on notebook paper, others on pretty pink stationary.
And those letters, thankfully, haven’t been confiscated. As vulnerable, as silly, as longing as they may read, they’ve only been read by me.
But in less than 24 hours, something far more transparent is about to be made available for the entire world. Gluten-Free Mac & Cheese is my debut book, and within hours, anyone from my middle school softball coach to my local dentist will be able to read this story.
I know that there is more to the book than just my testimony. There is Scripture and revelation and even some fictional storytelling. But it’s still vulnerable. Like: vulnerable-vulnerable. The kind of vulnerability that doesn’t just feel exposed but exhibited. On display. Available for the public to stop by, admire, and point out my blemishes like an art presentation.
“As you can tell, it’s really in this corner where the masterpiece starts to discolor.”
It was the first thing God said to me about the book. “Leave nothing masked.” Share every corner of your heart—and not just the pretty parts. Make sure you’re honest for other people’s sakes. And leave your glory behind because this isn’t about promoting the name of Rachael Weisinger.
That was the assignment, and that’s the present challenge, too. To choose ministry over reputation. To prioritize others’ stories over the privacy of mine. To let Gluten-Free Mac & Cheese be a tale outside of my control.
So I’m excited for it to be published. I’ve wanted to be an author since I was 13 years old. And anytime anyone promises me that they’re going to buy a copy of the book, I’m thankful. It’s supportive and encouraging and very, very sweet.
I’m more excited to see the harvest from this vulnerability. To see it help others. To see how the enemy is overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.
Because writing letters to my future husband helped once upon a time. They were an outlet for hope to daydream on paper and for disappoint to talk itself dry.
But I needed so much more. I needed someone to be honest. Someone to look me in the eyes and tell me I wasn’t crazy. I needed more than just an imaginary hunk to pray for and a box of letters to file.
My biggest prayer is that Gluten-Free Mac & Cheese brings that to women. My prayer is that this is a little piece of ‘more.’
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Featured Image by Hannah Olinger