Everyone has that one friend. The one that makes you constantly question why you’re still hanging out. Maybe it’s out of habit, or perhaps you find yourself always making excuses for them to others. While you don’t necessarily dislike their company, there’s a nagging feeling that the friendship might be more draining than enriching.

As I crossed into my thirties, I took time to evaluate my circle of friends. Who really counts as a true friend? Who will journey with me into the next chapter of life? This introspection aimed to ensure that I was nurturing relationships that were both meaningful and reciprocal.

Scripture highlights the importance of nurturing deep and reliable friendships. Proverbs 18:24 warns of the peril of unreliable friends and commends the virtues of steadfast companionship. The Bible underscores the need to be loyal (Proverbs 17:17), offer encouragement (Ephesians 4:29-32), speak truth in love (Proverbs 27:5-6), and choose friends who share similar values (Proverbs 12:26, 1 Corinthians 15:33).

True friendship is likened to the relationships between Ruth and Naomi, David and Jonathan, or Elijah and Elisha—examples of loyalty, mutual respect, and shared faith. But even the best friendships require balance. It’s possible to invest your heart and soul into a relationship and get little in return, leading to resentment and emotional exhaustion.

Here are some signs that a friendship might be becoming too draining and what you can do about it:

1. Is the Investment One-Sided?

Reflect on whether both parties are equally invested in the relationship. It’s frustrating and tiring to always be the one who cares more or the one whose efforts go unreciprocated. Friendships should be built on mutual give-and-take.

2. Are You Losing Yourself to Support Your Friend?

Supporting friends in their dreams is crucial, but not at the expense of your own aspirations and well-being. If you find yourself constantly sidelined to cheer from the stands, it might be time to rebalance the scales.

3. Do You Feel Restricted in Your Conversations?

A true friendship should allow you to be your authentic self. If you’re always measuring your words or worrying about setting off a landmine, it could be a sign that the relationship lacks the openness and acceptance foundational to genuine companionship.

4. Is There a Cycle of Complaints Without Change?

Listening to a friend vent is part of the deal, but it becomes draining when those complaints become a looping reel without any desire for resolution or growth. It’s important to set boundaries around chronic grievances that sap your energy.

Addressing these issues directly can sometimes rescue a faltering friendship and set it back on a healthier path. Alternatively, it might become clear that for your own well-being and growth, stepping back or moving on is the necessary choice.

While friendships can be a source of joy and support, they can also be complex and demanding. It’s essential not to make hasty decisions based on temporary challenges. However, recognizing when a relationship is consistently detrimental allows you to take steps to protect your emotional and mental health. Remember, every relationship should enhance your life, not complicate it without cause.

This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Faith Activist

Featured Image by irinakeinanen from Pixabay

About the Author

Pastor James Costa earned his degree in Theology from the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas. After graduation, he dedicated his career to serving as a pastor in Waco, Texas. Pastor James founded Faith Activist during the COVID-19 pandemic when he faced challenges in reaching people due to the lockdowns. He realized the potential of digital media to connect with people and spread the message of the gospel, leading him to create an online platform to help people grow in their faith and engage with other believers.

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