My husband and I had a conflict the other day. Hard to believe, I know, since I’m the queen bee of messy marriage! So I asked his permission to share a generalized version with all of you.
Maybe you can learn from our mistakes …
It was dinnertime and my son inadvertently interrupted me. So I corrected my son. My husband didn’t notice it, nor did he support me like I thought he should.
I interpreted this as my husband siding with my son. So I confronted my husband in front of our boys (wrong move to do—so I’m not endorsing this, just saying). I guess I should’ve referred to my own words, 8 Questions – Knowing When to Confront … imagine that!
In hindsight, I realized just how many “triggers” were being set off. Now, triggers are issues that we become overly sensitive to because we’ve not dealt sufficiently with the crux of the problem. They are a lot like an overblown balloon. But I am the one who’s responsible for how full that balloon gets. I need to release the air in my “overblown balloon” before it “pops” by:
- Working through any unresolved conflicts.
- Praying through and letting go of bitterness.
- Talking through these “triggers” more fully with my hubby.
- Trusting God to be my Protector in future encounters.
Obviously, I still have a lot of work to do! But I’m bringing up the issue of “triggers” because they are important indicators that both you and your spouse need to pay attention to. Here are just a couple examples of the triggers for me that were present …
Trigger #1 – my son interrupting me:
This trigger developed because this had been a recent and recurring problem, so I was feeling raw and perhaps more angry than I normally would be.
Trigger #2 – my husband not supporting me in front of our son:
My husband and I have agreed in past conversations to always (no matter if one of us is acting wrong) side with each other in front of the boys and talk about the “problem” later when we aren’t in front of them—presenting a united front.
Later and in private, my husband and I talked through this problem and were able to take responsibility for how we mishandled it. We exchanged apologies, gained greater clarity on each others’ feelings, and made a plan (individually and as a couple) to better handle this type of situation going forward. I felt relieved. I felt like I’d let air out of an over-blown balloon.
How about you?
What triggers or underlying issues are active in the conflicts you have with your spouse?
Have you paid attention to them, analyzed them, worked through them to “let the air out” and lessen their potency?
If so, what have you discovered that you need to do or change to move forward?
It’s worth evaluating and reassessing a plan or you’re bound to repeat the mistakes of your past.
“He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9 (NIV)
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” –1 Peter 4:8 (NIV)
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Worthy Bible Studies
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