For what feels like too long now, there has been a numbness to my words. What used to just pour out of me onto the page has dried up. The people and places once loved and held dear are now lost, and the emptiness expands farther than one can imagine. While much has been lost, there is much more that has been gained. It’s hard at times to see the gain when the void fills so great an expanse.
That’s where I sit in truth and remind myself just how valuable life on the other side is, with God anchoring me to His truth and the places He desires for me to fill. I wish enough time has passed to have healed all the wounds, but sadly it has not. I wonder at times how long I will carry the ghosts of this season with me. Maybe it will be for always because even in the healing, we bear the scars of our wounds.
I view scripture through a different lens now, more fully grasping the weight of the words written. I’ve lived the cost and see now that what most Christians perceive to be scriptural is upside down compared to what scripture says, and what we think should be right is often not what God calls us to. A relationship with God rooted in scripture is paramount to our understanding of His will and desire for our lives and the lives of those we encounter. For the Church to be effective, we cannot overlook the weight both carries. Faith requires relationship, and we can’t truly know God without knowing His word.
I’ve witnessed the kindness of God in my life as He exposed lies that weren’t mine to believe or own and broke down prison walls that weren’t intended for me. Rather than allow me to unknowingly be held and trapped by things, not for me, things holding me hostage, He broke them down. And that’s where we see God require hard things for our good. The freedom on the other side is staggering and to see light shining in my life in new and astounding ways leaves me breathless at the wonder of our God. That He should continue to pursue me and offer me true freedom in Him, leaves me with a whole new perspective on Godly discipline.
I viewed Godly discipline as harsh and reserved for the rebellious, naughty sinner, but my story reveals a God who saw what I didn’t and desired my freedom. The chains weren’t there by my choosing or choice, and I was unaware they were holding me stuck in a place I didn’t belong rather than allowing me to stay imprisoned. He challenged me with the hard road to freedom… this is the love of a good Father. Tenderly leading us onto the road less traveled, where we find abundance and wholeness in Him despite the scars of the rough-hewn path.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Rachel Rae Anderson
Featured Image by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
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