Spontaneous

I dreamed of spontaneous weekend getaways, dinners out, and even moments of intimacy. Our family is a combined family, and we didn’t get those single days at the beginning of our marriage. My husband and I entered the empty nest a few years back; however, we found ourselves parenting two amazing grandkids after addiction gripped their mother.

The idea of an empty nest never scared me, and I didn’t cry tears over my kids growing up and moving out. I have raised kids most of my life. (I mean this literally as a young mother), so I welcomed this new and exciting time.

I confess I stopped dreaming. Nightmares blind me. The idea of moving in spontaneous motion feels forbidden. The only impromptu thing we do these days is stop at Dairy Queen. Being an older ‘mom’ lowered the energy I had 20-plus years ago. I cannot pick up and say go!

Will I experience that spontaneous lifestyle I desire? Will age change some of the dreams I held dear? Yes, to both. I accept that. I may have a bit of a grudge, but I get it. I keep asking God to please be clear in His plans for me. Perhaps I am destined to parent. I still question that plan, as it doesn’t feel like it went well the first time. Maybe God is going to surprise me with spontaneous purpose! He makes closed doors open all the time. I believe. I trust my Father.