I’ve been working on a writing project for a while. I hope it becomes a book someday, but I can’t say for sure that it will. All I know is that God has pressed my heart to write—so I do.
Except, I don’t really know what I’m doing. Something in me knows I’m inadequate. When the words feel hard to organize, I remember my inexperience. When I re-read previous revelations, I wonder how they once made sense. When opposition strikes, I start to question what and why I’m even writing in the first place. Who am I to try and write meaningful words?
I’ve been challenged lately about this wrestle in my heart, and in studying the book of Exodus, a similar interaction between Moses and God got me thinking: Am I mistaking doubt for humility?
Before God appeared to Moses in the burning bush, Moses desired to free the Israelites (Acts 7). Yet, he hesitated when God called him to action, even though God’s call aligned with Moses’ desire. Moses didn’t think he was the right man for the job, even though God was telling him otherwise in actual words. (Through a bush that was on fire but not consumed nonetheless!) Moses’ response went something like this: “Who am I to do this? I’m nobody!” and “How can I speak before hundreds of people with a speech impediment?” Moses knew his inadequacies and voiced them before obeying. Then, he questioned God’s plan at the first sign of opposition despite being told difficulty would come.
A picture of doubt, not humility.
Despite God aligning my desire with His call to action, I hesitate. Questioning “Who am I?” at every point of resistance. Or when things don’t go as expected, I’m quick to list all the reasons it can’t work. Humbly saying, “You’ve got the wrong girl.”
In her Exodus teaching, Jen Wilkin warns, “Don’t mistake your doubt for humility.”
Why? Because doubting God is disbelief, through and through.
When I’m entertaining the ways I’m inadequate to do what God has asked me to be faithful with, I’m not believing God is who He says He is. When I say, “I can’t do this,” I’m making it about me. When I question God’s plan, I’m putting myself in the center of a narrative God has already established as His.
Doubt likes to masquerade as humility, but genuine humility cries, “Help my unbelief!”
Humility recognizes my place as a contingent, created being—created by God who is not contingent on anything. He is self-existent, infinite, sovereign, and faithful to accomplish His will. Humility is recognizing God for who He says He is, which propels a servant-hearted response of willingness to take Him at His word, trust His sufficiency, and obey. Or, at the very least, cry for help to believe.
I want to think my response would be different if I were Moses and God appeared to me in a burning bush, but I know it wouldn’t be because it hasn’t. God has revealed Himself many times, leading me in obvious ways and strengthening my legs. Yet, when I hit rocky terrain (and even when I don’t), my eyes wander from Him and inevitably end up on myself. There, I forget that God is the one who equips me. He’s the one who makes a way. He is the one it’s all for, and with Him, nothing is impossible.
I may be unable to keep myself from doubting, but I can let it point me to humility. I can confess my disbelief at the feet of God Almighty, who is the Great Deliver. He is the only one who can rescue me from my doubt by revealing Himself as Creator and me as His created. Reminding me again and again He is who He says He is. The Faithful One.
If you’re like me, mistaking doubt for humility and questioning what God has given you to do, let Him restore Himself to the center of the narrative. It’s not about you. It’s never about your position and what you don’t have. It’s always about God, who He is, and what He does.
He is the great I AM. The Lord Almighty who was, who is, and is to come.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Kristina Ward
Featured Image by Silvia from Pixabay
[…] Open the full article on the kingdomwinds.com site […]