“And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you.” Psalm 39:7 ESV
You’re filled with an unfamiliar surge of energy.
“Rockin around the Christmas tree
At the Christmas party hop
Mistletoe hung where you can see
Every couple tries to stop.”
Christmas songs filled the air as we kids waited with anticipation for Santa Claus to arrive.
Impatiently, I had already searched under the tree more than once when my mom wasn’t looking to count the number of presents with my name written on them. From what I could tell, the yellow bicycle with a banana seat, purple grips, and matching streamers wouldn’t fit under the tree. “Maybe Santa is bringing that one,” I thought to myself. “He’ll make sure it fits.”
Despite my parents’ efforts to spoil us with Christmas presents they’d put on layaway months before, I couldn’t shake my apprehension about the holidays. Although Christmas was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, I tiptoed into the season, walking on eggshells, and hoping my father wouldn’t start drinking and spoil the holiday spirit. If that happened, the day would end on a sour note, with everyone upset, unkind words spoken, and an abundance of tears shed.
Now that I am an adult with adult children of my own, I often experience that same foreboding as the holidays approach. At the first appearance of Halloween decorations in September, I slip on my Scrooge cap and start complaining. My “bah-humbug” attitude is the first warning sign that my mood is shifting. Expecting that these holidays will be no different from the previous 60 plus, low-grade anxiety, and depression creep in like ominous clouds on a winter’s day.
It was only recently that I became aware of my low expectations for the holidays. If I planned to be disappointed, maybe there wouldn’t be such a letdown. While I worked feverishly to make them special for my children, I carried with me a sense of impending doom. When addiction entered our family by way of my sons, my fears became a reality. The Ghost of Christmas Past was now a regular, yet unwanted visitor.
“Peace on earth and good will to men? Bah-humbug!” Although my heart desired peace during the holidays, I knew from past experiences that they would likely be filled with stress, worry, arguments, and even heartbreak. But there were still moments of intense joy where the awesome presence of God outweighed the chaos we were experiencing.
This holiday season I found myself vacillating between feelings of hopeful expectation and hopeless dread. I’ve decided to land somewhere in the middle. You see, whether Christmas is a bust or a blessing, it is our Christmas, a mixed bag of highs and lows, but also full of love. As I’ve learned to manage my expectations, I’ve come to understand that I have no control over how the holidays will turn out for our family. In doing so, I’ve embraced a new sense of God’s peace in my life. While I still struggle emotionally during this time of year, I am also learning to approach it with joyful expectation, fixing my eyes on Jesus instead of our family’s issues.
Managing Our Expectations
“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!” Luke 2:14 ESV
What do your expectations look like for this holiday season? For most people, the holidays usher in feelings of anticipation, hope, and good cheer. For those of us who celebrate the birth of Jesus, this season is a time of rejoicing. Still, despite all the anticipation this season brings, it also brings with it expectations of what the holidays should look like. Christmas is a season of togetherness. We expect it to be a joyous occasion, but during the difficult times in our lives, it carries with it the risk of disappointment.
For those who are struggling this year, your expectations may feel more like wishful thinking. If you are unemployed or have experienced a recent job loss, this holiday will be especially difficult. For others, the illness or death of a loved one may have stolen the joy of the season, replacing it with intense grief. If you suffer from mental health issues, the emotions you are experiencing may seem overwhelming. As we approach the holidays, one thing is certain. We will need to manage our expectations by expecting the unexpected, or at least understanding that things don’t always go according to our plans.
This Lord alone is the reason we celebrate Christmas. He is always with us. He does not let us down. He does not skip out on the holiday feast. He is the one steady we can count on this Christmas season. He will not leave us disappointed, like the family member who failed to call or come by. He will not crush our spirits with unkind words hurtfully spoken around the holiday dinner table.
Because Jesus cares about us, we can pour our hearts out before him. We can tell him our hopes and dreams for the holidays. We can ask him to manage our expectations. And if we end up being disappointed, we can run to Him for comfort and healing. Here are ways that I have learned to manage my expectations during the holidays.
Be Content in All Things
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
Paul the Apostle had a positive outlook even in the face of hardship. He suffered tremendously because of his work spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ. Beatings, prison, persecution. Still, he could state emphatically that he was content.
But Paul didn’t say that contentment came to him easily. He says that he had “learned” the secret to being content. What secret? The secret of his contentment during good times and bad came from the strength God gave him. Instead of setting his sights on what he didn’t have, he kept them on his eternal treasures, the gifts that matter most.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
The secret to staying content during the holidays is learning to be content in all things. Like Paul; contentment begins by accepting the things we cannot change and changing those we can. Then we leave the rest to God.
Be Hopeful When Facing Unexpected Disappointment
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
Let’s face it. Some of us are really suffering this year. Staying hopeful gets harder the longer our trial wears on. In these verses, we read that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope. It is a chain reaction in suffering. Why? Because God’s love is at work in our hearts.
The enemy wants to convince us we should give up. Perhaps the problem isn’t with what we are hoping for, but where we place our hope. We are often tempted to hope in our relationships, our government, our bank accounts, or our careers. All will let us down sometimes. When we put our hope in the Lord, we move beyond our circumstances and disappointments. Our stamina for withstanding our trials grows, as does our character.
“but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
Hoping in the Lord means transferring our burdens to him. As he transforms our hearts and minds, we will begin to think, speak, and act like children of hope.
Be Joyful in Jesus
“I have told you these things so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete.” John 15:11
Being joyful when the holidays are stressful or painful can seem impossible. If your child, spouse, or family member is hurting or struggling, it may even feel hypocritical. I mean, how are we supposed to be happy when they are in turmoil?
This joy is not merely being happy because things are going our way. It is a gift from Jesus to us as believers. His joy produces in us a sense of calm delight, a sense of well-being. It is a feeling of being satisfied right where we are at this moment.
This was the secret to Jesus’ joy. He was always satisfied. He wasn’t walking around with a feeling of impending doom, even knowing what lay ahead for him. He felt joy because he trusted in His Father, not in his circumstances. His joy overpowered his darkest circumstances.
“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
Jesus continually encouraged his followers to be joyful and of good cheer. He pretty much came up with the saying, “Don’t worry. Be happy!” When faced with a crisis, my happiness usually flies right out the window. If you are like me, I could use some of this calm joy to carry me through the season.
So how do we have the kind of joy that can calmly and optimistically face our most painful life events? Prior to the promise of joy, Jesus gave his disciples this command. “Remain in me and I in you” (John 15:4). Here, Jesus teaches He is the vine, and we are the branches. He is the source and sustainer of our very lives. Our secret weapon for being joyful is remaining in Jesus and his remaining in us.
“You have made known to me the ways of life; You will make me full of joy in Your presence.” Acts 2:28
Without Him, we can do nothing, not even be joyful. Learning how to look forward to the holidays with joyful expectation comes when we accept things may not always go our way, but with Jesus we have joy. And this is the true meaning of the season.
Merry Christmas. May Jesus reign in your hearts, and may you have joy unspeakable.
Written by Dawn R. Ward
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Jesslyn McCutcheon-Fighting Goliath for Mental Illness
Featured Image by Pexels from Pixabay
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