I have a theory. After nearly 44 years of marriage, and after having studied deeply, reflected on, and written extensively on the theology of work over the past ten years or so, I have come to realize that there a lot of similarities between vocational callings and the calling to marriage and family life.
What is a calling, anyway? In simple terms, it is a God-directed purpose for us to accomplish. We often think of it in vocational terms, as in God called me to be a teacher, a minister, a surgeon, or a soldier. But I have also heard the term used with reference to the biblically significant relationships and the unique responsibilities that go along with them that God calls for His people to be faithful to do.
Moreover, Jesus made a comment about His calling that recently caught my attention. After His conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well, His disciples wanted Jesus to eat. He stated, “My food is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work” (John 4:34). The way Jesus viewed His calling to do the work the Father sent Him to do, including going to the cross, was that it was something more than just what He “had to do.” It was something He “got to do.” It brought Him fulfillment.
Let me unpack this idea, comparing and contrasting our vocational calling with marriage and family, which are both mentioned in the Bible. I have seen how God is involved in every step of the process. I will focus on how God prepares, provides for, protects, and has a purpose for us in these callings.
God prepares us
The older I get, the more convinced I am that God created each one of us for a purpose. This purpose aligns with the first commission (called the creation mandate), to rule over, sustain, and expand God’s creation (Gen. 1:28), and the great commission, to make disciples (Matt. 28:18-20). Both of these enduring tasks can be accomplished in a variety of ways through our work. As I see it, God has a job (or jobs) for us to do. He prepares us with the interests, aptitudes, opportunities, training, education, skills, and experiences to be able to make a contribution.
R. Paul Stevens, in Work Matters, inspired me with this quote in the context of God’s providence in the life of Esther: “Providence means that our birthplace, family background, educational opportunities, the talents and abilities we bring to the workplace, even our physical or emotional disabilities, are not accidental but part of God’s good and gracious purpose for us.” Amen!
Regarding our calling to marriage, God created us for relationship (i.e., “it is not good for man to be alone”). For most people, God will lead us into a lifetime partnership. Normally, this union produces children (i.e., “be fruitful and multiply”). It seems obvious to me that God in His infinite wisdom also prepares us internally with the interests, strengths, abilities, experiences, etc. required to be adequately equipped to be the godly spouses and parents that He needs us to be.
In contrast to our vocations, where God gives us specific abilities that grow over time as we receive training, education, and experience, in marriage, God gives us general skills that will come into play as we get married and raise our families. Mostly, it is gained by experience as we learn how to apply God’s Word.
God provides for us
God not only prepares us for our vocations, wherever our winding career path may take us, but God also directly provides jobs at just the right time, if we are diligent to seek the Lord and take steps that can lead to success.
Ben Witherington, in his book, Work: A Kingdom Perspective on Labor states, “We do not simply choose our vocations. We are led to them, and this implies that we must be open to hearing from God what he is calling us to do in life. Even when we have been called and gifted to do something, God does not simply leave us to our own devices. Rather, he guides us and steers us in our work.” I experienced this as God led me through every major career decision. Have you had similar experiences?
Although I pursued many girls who got my attention as I sought the right mate, it wasn’t until I became a Christian that I found out that love was more about giving than getting. When I yielded to the Lordship of Christ in this area, I was free to let Jesus do the matchmaking. In the fall of 1977, I met a beautiful college freshman on the Colorado State University Marching Band practice field who checked all the boxes. It didn’t take long for me to see that God was going to do something amazing.
When I think of how God provided this woman who I later married, I recall James 1:17: “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” When we meet someone whom God puts in our path to change our lives forever, this is clearly a “good and perfect gift.” Receiving a precious gift from the hand of our heavenly Father should cause us to praise Him and then cherish the gift. That is what I have been doing ever since I came to realize how much of a blessing this woman has been to me from day one of our friendship.
I must remind my readers of something important that I don’t want anyone to miss. God will provide a number of jobs for us in our vocational path over the course of our careers. Most of us will change jobs several times from age 16 to 65. We may change jobs as needed within the same career field or we may even change career fields completely, as I did from math education, to ministry, to serving in the military. Marriage is clearly not designed to be that way. When God provides a spouse, it is a commitment for life.
God protects us
God also protects us in our vocational journey so that we can fulfill the purposes He has for us at work. This doesn’t mean that we won’t experience difficulties. When we understand the idea of thorns and thistles, we know that work will always be more difficult than we expect. This is due to the sins of Adam, as well as the sins of our bosses, coworkers, customers, and ourselves. In marriage, we also experience the unique challenges in the sacred work that God calls us to do there.
Over the course of our long marriage, we found that there were enemies from within and without that Satan tried to use to tear apart our blessed union. When Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let no man separate” (Matt. 19:6), He was not talking about external forces but the heart of the husband who let his lifetime commitment to the wife of his youth dwindle over time.
Through many separations during the 20 years I served on active duty due to training exercises, schooling, business trips, and two one-year unaccompanied tours in Korea, we saw God protect our marriage from internal and external enemies. We were never at war with each other. By God’s grace, we fought together.
God has a purpose for us
Like our vocational callings, God has divine purposes for us as a married couple, as individuals, and as a team. It definitely includes the children (and grandchildren) that He blesses us with, but it is not limited to just our immediate and extended family. He puts us where He needs us to be, scattering us among the unbelieving world so that we can shine the light of Jesus into dark places and bring hope where there is none to those who need it. God uses us as His coworkers to love our neighbors through our marriages.
Looking back, I am grateful for the spiritual growth we have seen over the past four decades. At first, it was mostly about me. I was grateful that God provided this wonderful woman to be my companion through life. As time went on, it was less about me and more about her. I began to understand in my head and my heart what it meant to love her “as Christ loved the church” (Eph. 5:25). As children came along, it was about loving, protecting, and teaching them. As we did that in community with other young parents at our local church, we came to see that God could use us in other’s lives as well.
Now, as those older empty nesters who are involved in the military faith community where we live and work, we are able to see God use us as individuals and as a team as we give glory to God for the spark that is still there.
Closing thoughts
I trust that these words of encouragement have been helpful and that you will be able to see more clearly in your own marriage how God has been present with you at every stage of your calling. Since He has called you to it, He will see you through it. Rest assured that He will continue to lead and guide you.
(Note: I invite you to read an article I wrote last December that has a similar focus on the calling of marriage. Click here.)
Written by Russell E. Gehrlein
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This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Christian Grandfather Magazine
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