I cannot say for certain that Huey Lewis and the News recorded their second #1 hit song of the same title above just for Linda and Russ that fall. I can say that God has used the powerful message of this catchy song over all these years since then to help keep us glued together.
The song came to mind as I prepared to teach our marriage class, using Tim Keller’s book, The Meaning of Marriage. I reflected on the passage on marriage that he expounds in this book from Eph. 5:22-33. In v. 31, the Apostle Paul quoted Gen. 2:24, which reads, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
As I think about God’s great gift of marriage that He graciously gave to humankind, to society in general, and to us as individuals, I can’t help but praise Him for His absolutely brilliant design. As Christians, we are so blessed to be able to understand and submit to His commandments to both husbands and wives, and then see the results as a couple here and now. I invite you to join with me as I uncover the various ways married couples can be one flesh, united or glued to our spouse.
What does it mean to be “one flesh?”
In Matt. 19:1-9 and Mark 10:1-12, Jesus taught about marriage and divorce. His view was that marriage was designed by God to be permanent. David L Turner, in his book on Matthew in the Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament, explains that after Jesus cites Gen. 1:27 and 2:24, He “deduces God’s intent that marriage be permanent.” After quoting the Old Testament, Jesus adds a bold interpretation. He stated, “So they are no longer two but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matt. 19:6 and Mark 10:9). (Note: Click here to read an article I wrote last year about some insights I got from these two passages.)
I have to acknowledge the power of a praying pastor. Rev. Marvin Lubenow, the pastor of First Baptist Church in Fort Collins, Colorado, married us on a cold December night in 1980. We can still hear his booming voice as he prayed for us in the ceremony, “that we would be ONE.” God answered his prayer in a multitude of ways over the four decades that we have been married.
This oneness has manifested itself in many ways, mostly in our unified purpose, to glorify God in everything we do, to raise our children in a Christian family, to treat each other with mutual love and respect, and always serve one another. We made decisions together. We celebrated dating, engagement, and wedding anniversaries. We connected emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
Now, let’s discuss the lifetime commitment that is inherently associated with the biblical covenant of marriage, that results in the condition of being “stuck” with our husband or wife until death.
Stuck with you
I see much evidence of this joyful marital unity throughout this song. We hear things like this:
- We thought about someone else, but neither one took the bait
- We thought about breaking up, now we know it’s much too late
- The same phone number, all the same friends, and the same address
- I’m so happy to be stuck with you
- I can see that you’re happy to be stuck with me
God’s plan for a lifetime commitment was divinely designed to be a blessing to all concerned, and not a burden. The songwriter truly gets it. Huey Lewis and his wife don’t really feel stuck at all. They feel secure.
My wife and I both came from divorced families. When we got married, we vowed not to do that to each other and to our family. Since approximately 50% of married couples get divorced, it follows that the other 50% of marriages end in death. We choose death. The security that we have in knowing that the other will never leave and loves us unconditionally motivates us to get along.
We’ve had some fun
Let’s face it. When a couple first gets married, marriage is a lot of fun! A couple who are clearly in love and choose a partner to live with for the rest of their lives do so because they want this fun to continue.
As a direct result of some of these fun activities that married couples normally get to experience together, children are added to the young family. Then, a different kind of fun begins. (Wow! She looks just like me! How cute is that?) Before you know it, as a natural expression of the oneness that develops over time as husband and wife raise this child, the kid gets a brother or sister. The blessing of children is a significant part of God’s design. He does not just call humans to create children. God wants us to create families, who create more families, etc., until Jesus returns.
One of the things my wife and I discovered in 44 years of marriage is that wherever we’ve lived, by the grace of God, we found an abundance of fun, joy, and laughter in doing everyday things like talking, eating meals together, and seeing our children and grandchildren. In every home we lived in, we left laughter in the walls.
We’ve had our ups and downs
In the first verse of this song, we hear these profound words: “We’ve had some fun. Yes, we’ve had our ups and downs. Been down that rocky road, but here we are still around.” Even though our joys are doubled and our sorrows are cut in half, marriage is not all fun and games. The road gets rocky sometimes.
You may recall from your wedding vows (which for us were recorded on a cassette tape), there are better days as well as worse ones. There are not just richer times, but there are poorer times. There is both health and sickness. You need to remember that if you are in a season of worse times, it will get better. When you are in better times, it will get worse. But then, it will get better again. Wait it out. Don’t give up when you are at your lowest point. It can only go up from there.
As Jesus prepared to depart this world, He gave words of hope that His disciples could count on when trials would come. He said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Marriage is full of ups and downs. Life is just hard, sometimes. But Christians understand God’s good purposes in suffering. Trials build up our faith. They give us an opportunity to trust God.
We’ve had our ins and outs
In verse 2, Huey Lewis sang, “We’ve had our doubts. We never took them seriously. And we’ve had our ins and outs, but that’s the way it’s s’posed to be. We thought about giving up, but we could never stay away. We thought about breaking up, but now we know it’s much too late.”
It is normal for married couples, even Christians with a strong faith, to have some doubts now and again when circumstances are not what we expected. Sometimes we are close, sometimes not so much. There are conflicts that need to be resolved. We need to know how to act when romantic feelings aren’t what they once were. We have to be able to press on when we might want to quit.
My parents, fueled by alcohol, argued loudly. My wife’s parents gave each other the silent treatment. Neither of those strategies for handling conflict with your spouse is a good option. My wife and I had to figure out a way to do it with God’s wisdom, unconditional love, and patience. When feelings were fleeting, we pressed on, as if that didn’t really matter. Strong emotional feelings will generally follow loving actions. If we treat each other like we are called to do in Scripture, with kindness and humility, those old romantic feelings always seem to come back.
Final thoughts
Is there some help I can give so that you can experience oneness in your marriage?
- Enjoy the oneness God gave you in your marriage (physical, emotional, spiritual)
- Revisit your history often: your first meeting, the beginning of your friendship, when it changed to more than friends, how you saw God in it to lead you, etc.
- Tell your spouse what they mean to you, whenever they need to hear it, or whenever you need to say it
- Take time to dream of what the future holds together
One of God’s greatest gifts is a Christian marriage. Don’t take it for granted. Cherish the gift.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Russ Gehrlein
Featured Image by Viktoriya Yu from Pixabay
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