Not long ago, I interviewed Wayne and Marci Rice on our Family Impact Podcast (click here for that interview) about their new reality as long-distance grandparents. They understand the loneliness that grandparents who are not geographically close to their grandchildren often experience. The opportunities to hug and touch your grandchildren regularly are missing. You miss out on so much of their growing up and attending their school events.
But you don’t have to lose touch. You may not be able to be with them often, like you could if they were living close by. You can’t attend all the special events in their lives, but you can be intentional about staying connected. There are still ways to continue building strong family relationships, and to impact their lives for Christ—even at a distance.
Based upon my conversation with the Rices and personal experiences as a long-distance grandparent, I have compiled FIVE ways we can intentionally stay connected to and influence our grandchildren. We’ll look at the first two in this article:
1. Use Technology
I know some of you despise technology, some are intimidated by it, and some are just plain apathetic about using it. If any of these describes you, let me just say, “Get over it.” Technology is not going away. It is the world of your grandchildren. It is foolish to ignore the opportunities it gives you. You are never too old to learn some technology. When you do, you say to your grandchildren, “I care about you and the world you live in. I want to stay connected with you in meaningful ways because you are important to me.” Here are two simple ways you can take advantage of technological communication opportunities with your grandchildren:
Use your cell phone: This is especially important for your grandchildren 12 and older. Ask if you can set up a regular day to call them. Ask them what is going on in their lives. You can also text or Instant Message (find out which they prefer, and if you don’t know how to do it, ask them to teach you). Use these to send simple messages of encouragement or a blessing. Text a Scripture or a photo (you can figure it out), or a thought for the day.
Learn to use Skype or FaceTime: These are easy-to-use tools that allow you to not only speak to your grandchildren, but also see each other. Because this technology is visual (you can use a computer, tablet, or smartphone), it helps everyone keep up with the changes of time. It’s also a great way to communicate at a deeper level than phone calls or text messages alone.
2. Use Snail Mail
The good ole Postal Service or UPS are still great ways to send…
Cards and letters: Everyone loves to get mail, including your grandkids. If there are multiple grandchildren in one family, make sure to send one to each of them, but put them all in one larger envelope so they all arrive at the same time. Don’t limit cards and notes for birthdays and holidays. Let them know you care by sending them at unexpected times. Include current photos of yourself. Tell them about news in your world. Include a Scripture verse and special blessing. If you are one of the creative types who make their own cards, these can be extra special treats for your grandkids.
Care packages: Care packages send the message that you value them—they are in your thoughts. Marci Rice sends care packages to her grandchildren with a special treat inside (perhaps their favorite cookies you baked for them), or something from the Dollar Store that is fun and says, “I think you’re special”. You could include an unfinished drawing or page from one of the dozens of intricate coloring books available in stores. You start the coloring or drawing, and ask them to complete it and send it back.
It’s about intentionality. I can sit around in a funk and complain that I never get to see my grandchildren, or I can choose to make the best of a not-so-perfect situation. Paul reminded the Ephesians to “make the most of every opportunity, for the days are evil.” Distance cannot keep us from staying in touch, but our attitude can.
GRANDPAUSE: In prayer, there is no distance.
Grandparenting from a distance does have its challenges. We miss out on so much of the special moments happening in our grandchildren’s lives because they are so far away. And what can adequately replace a real hug or holding a child’s hand as you walk together through the park?
Long-distance grandparenting is not ideal, but neither is it the end of the world—though it can feel like the other end of the world. The issue is what we do to intentionally make the best of the situation we have.
We’re looking at five ways to intentionally grandparent from a distance. Last time we addressed the first two: 1. Ways to use technology, and 2. Using snail mail effectively. Staying connected through technology and the Postal Service is good. Both can create personal touches from a distance that bear much fruit. The next three things take intentionality to another level.
3. Planned Visits
While it may be physically impossible for some to make a visit to your grandchildren, for many, it is simply a problem of intentionality. We don’t sit down with our calendars and plan visits we can make to them, or visits we can plan from them. Yes, it may not be easy, but if you want to enjoy the personal contact we all want, you need to plan for those times. Get out your calendar right now and figure out what works best for you, your grandchildren, and their parents.
4. Honor their parents with your words and actions
Whether you are sending cards, letters, texts, or chatting online, let your conversations always speak of your grandchildren’s parents with respect. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths…” That applies to how you talk about their parents. Make it your goal to do everything you can to encourage your grandchildren to honor their parents by setting the example yourself.
5. Pray
Prayer knows no distance. Its impact is just as effective 10,000 miles away as it is face-to-face. Prayer is not a last resort after we have tried everything else. It ought to be our first response practice.
Pray for them, pray with them, and teach them to pray. James reminds us that “the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (James 5:16).
Not sure what to pray? CLICK HERE to download one of our Scriptures to Pray cards to keep in your Bible. You’ll find one scripture for each day of the month to pray for your grandchildren.
Let them know you are praying for them. I have assigned a specific day of the week for each of my grandchildren to pray, especially for them, and to let them know I’m doing that.
When you talk on the phone or Skype, pray with them and encourage them to also pray. Invite them to pray for you about decisions you must make, challenges you are facing, and struggles you have in life. This teaches them that prayer is not a one-way street—something grandparents do for their grandchildren. We pray with each other and for each other, young and old.
Written by Calvin Harper
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Christian Grandfather Magazine
Featured Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay
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