Once in a while, I have an extremely rich quiet time meditating on God’s Word, like I did one evening recently. Sometimes, I dig up some treasures in one small section. At other times, I seem to hop from place to place, enjoying the divine connections between the OT and the NT, the Gospels and the epistles, where I see God weaving connecting threads of life-changing truths in unexpected places.
Let me describe the winding path I took, and some of the deeper insights I gained on this bunny trail. It all centered on God’s divine design for marriage. I saw some things along the way I had never seen before.
They shall become one flesh (again)
I started out in Prov. 5:15-18, which encourages husbands to find satisfaction in their wives. It linked me via a cross-reference to Eccl. 9:9, which supports the same concept. From there, I was sent to Matt. 19 and Mark 10, where Jesus taught about marriage. I had no idea how much insight I would find.
In these two passages, Jesus is being grilled by the Pharisees. They were trying to trick Him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” (Matt. 19:3 and Mark 10:2). This context is important.
The wording is slightly different in these two Gospel accounts of the same incident, but the flow is identical. Jesus answers the Pharisees’ question with a question. In Matt. 19:4, He queries, “Haven’t you read?, and then alludes to and quotes Gen. 1:27 and 2:24. In Mark 10:3, Jesus asks, “What did Moses command you?” After the Pharisees summarize Moses’ teaching from Deut. 24:1, Jesus counters with a comment about the hardness of their hearts and then takes them back to Genesis.
As I was flipping back and forth between these two passages, I had to look closer at Gen. 2:24. Jesus quoted the OT carefully, as He often does, but He started in the middle of the passage. He begins, “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” For what reason? I had to back up just one verse to find out why.
In Gen. 2:23, we read, “The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” We can see what Jesus implies. A man and woman become one flesh in the same manner that Adam and Eve became one flesh. In fact, when God took the rib out of Adam and gave her back as the beautiful Eve, it caused him to say, “Whoa, man!”
Let no man separate
David L Turner, in his book on the Gospel of Matthew in the Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament, explains that after Jesus cites Gen. 1:27 and 2:24, He “deduces God’s intent that marriage be permanent.” In both Gospel accounts, after Jesus emphasized God’s original design for marriage, he gives a bold interpretation. He stated, “So they are no longer two but one. Therefore, what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matt. 19:6 and Mark 10:9).
We often hear this statement at weddings. The minister will say it just before the husband gets to kiss his bride. It comes off like a warning to every man in the room: “Don’t mess with this marriage. Stay away from the bride. Do not even think about trying to steal this girl away.”
When I read what Jesus said, I wondered, “What man?” Who was Jesus talking about? I wrote in the margin of my Bible three possibilities: Is it some other guy (a man) that Jesus was warning to stay away from this married woman, and not causing them to separate? Was it mankind in general, i.e., any human being, a man or woman that Jesus was commanding to not split up their marriage? Or, was Jesus talking about a husband, telling him to not destroy his own marriage?
On my way home from work the next day, the obvious answer came to me. The context provided the answer! Was it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? Jesus pointed out that since it was God who joined them together and that the two were now one, a man was absolutely not authorized to undo what God had done. Divorce may have been lawful for a man, but this is not the way it was designed to be.
The circle of life
There was one more “Aha!” moment I had that is worth sharing. As I observed Jesus’s teaching in these two passages, I could see a clear pattern. Jesus reminded the Pharisees that God created two distinct human beings: male and female, Adam and Eve (Matt. 19:4; Mark 10:6). The next gender-specific pair Jesus mentions are father and mother (Matt. 19:5; Mark 10:7). If you look further in the same set of verses, you can see the last pairing, where Jesus explains that a man will leave his parents behind to be united with his wife in order to become one flesh with her.
Now, it gets interesting. Once a man and woman are one flesh, sooner or later they will become father and mother. Eventually, their son will leave them to cleave to his wife. Then, they too will become a father and a mother. This pattern will continue indefinitely until Jesus returns.
I was amazed as I reflected on this divine design God graciously made for us. It began with Adam and Eve and continues through time to impact me and my family now. I left my parents over 43 years ago and was united with my beautiful bride. Through our cleaving, three children were born. Eventually, each of them found the one who caused them to leave us to begin a new family of their own.
I am grateful to see how good God’s plan for marriage is: men and women, in permanent union, blessed by God, working together to fill the earth with more men and women who can continue to be fruitful and multiply in accordance with the creation mandate. (See Gen. 1:28.) As they surrender to and practice what Scripture commands husbands and wives to do, they will find satisfaction and fruitfulness.
Closing thoughts
I do not know where you are with your own marriage. Perhaps you have been blessed with a great marriage. For many others, it just didn’t work out. Maybe it turned out to be a nightmare. Maybe you haven’t found someone to leave and cleave with yet. Regardless of your situation, these truths are for you.
God’s original design for marriage as it has been revealed to us through the written Word (the Bible) and the Living Word (Jesus) is perfect. If your marriage is not where you would like it to be, consider this. Take some time to meditate on these passages as a couple. You may be able to refocus your relationship on what God wants. Perhaps you can reach out to Him in prayer as a couple and ask Him to heal your marriage. His will is to bring you joy, not sorrow. His truth will set you free.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Russ Gehrlein
Featured Image by The HK Photo Company on Unsplash
