“Why do I do things I don’t want to do, and why do I not do the things I want to do?” These were the famous words of the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:15
Paul goes on to say in Romans 7:17, “It’s not him who does these things he doesn’t want to do, but rather the sin nature that lives in him.” It’s the sin nature that lives in all of us.
It’s the sin in us that is usually triggered by a hidden wound that someone touched, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
I once told a brother in Christ that we shouldn’t be called human beings, we should be called “human woundings.” And if we aren’t covered by the blood of Jesus Christ, then we’re constantly exposed to the schemes and weapons of the enemy and whoever he wants to use, abuse, or confuse to manipulate our emotions.
Paul writes in Ephesians 6:12, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”
And the biggest trick or tactic Satan uses against us is our own anger and spirit of offense. And because anger is an emotion that is obvious to everyone, it’s easily seen, easily felt, easily expressed, and provokes an immediate response from whoever it’s targeted at.
How to Deal with Anger Outbursts – Christian Anger Management Tips
Proverbs 15:1 – A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Colossians 3:8 – But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.
Proverbs 29:11 – A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.
James 1:19 – Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;
Proverbs 16:32 – Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
So, anger only becomes a sin in HOW it’s expressed towards others, not when you experience it.
Understanding Your Anger And Choosing A Godly Response
The truth is, anger is really a secondary emotion that is usually a default response, because it’s been our natural “go-to” response ever since we were born and before we could even talk. Most of us who struggle with anger just weren’t taught how to express anger righteously.
Satan knows that as long as there are people on the earth, we WILL get angry. It’s not a matter of IF, but a matter of WHEN and to what degree. Jesus knew this too, and Jesus also got angry, but his anger was always a righteous anger that didn’t grieve the Holy Spirit. I just wish I could say the same about my own anger.
How Jesus Responded To Anger Can Be Your Guide
So, the real question is: How was Jesus able to get angry, yet not sin, while we continually struggle with it? I think Jesus was able to “manage his anger” for 3 reasons:
At the root of most, if not all, of our negative, toxic behaviors, especially anger, is FEAR.
Fear of being rejected,
Fear of being judged,
Fear of being disrespected,
Fear of being abandoned/alone,
Fear of being abused,
Fear of being taken advantage of,
Fear of being ignored,
Fear of missing out,
Fear of losing,
Fear of being disappointed,
Fear of being controlled,
Fear of being controlled,
Fear of being misunderstood,
Fear of being inadequate/not measuring up (not being good enough),
Fear of being embarrassed/humiliated/looking stupid.
Fear of being minimized or marginalized,
Fear of the unknown,
Fear of dying,
Fear of being broke/poor,
Fear of being exposed/outed,
Fear of being physically harmed,
Fear of being betrayed,
Fear of not being loved (accepted or appreciated).
I think you get the point.
But if you dig deep enough, you’ll find that fear is at the root of not only anger, but also bitterness, revenge, resentment, unforgiveness, jealousy, envy, greed, discontent, and even hate.
Christian Anger Is Not A Sin, It’s a Trauma Response
The key to walking in consistent victory over anger is identifying the root of your fears, then digging even deeper to find WHAT or WHO originally caused it, and WHY is your expectation of how they should’ve responded so important to you, and then confessing all of your discoveries to God.
This “faith walk” would go a little something like this:
Someone does or says something to you that offends you; you would then turn to the Holy Spirit and ask yourself:
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What am I REALLY afraid of here?
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What do I REALLY think is going to happen to me if I don’t respond to this in anger?
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Why is this issue/incident REALLY important to me?
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Who REALLY caused this wound IN me?
Since most of the time, you won’t have the time to process your anger this way, the best response to an offense is to remain silent, at least for 10 seconds, and then ask yourself the first and most important question:
What am I REALLY afraid of here (refer back to the list of fears above)?
Then, if you have time to squeeze in a couple of more questions, ask yourself:
“Are their actions putting my life or someone I love’s life at risk?”
“Does this offense make God angry? In other words, is it a sin against God?”
If not, then you don’t have to overreact to their offense. You can choose righteousness over overreacting; the relationship over being right; God’s glory over your justice. This is the equivalent of walking by the spirit and not by the flesh. This is what Jesus did; he always made the main thing the main thing – which was God’s glory.
Responding To Anger God’s Way Will Take Time
Overcoming anger can sometimes seem impossible; don’t expect to always respond like Jesus did to it. Instead, measure how long it takes you to identify it, confess it, own it, and make amends for it.
The shorter the distance between the offense, your outburst, and your apology or your forgiveness, the greater your spiritual level of maturity. And vice versa. In other words, when you are aware that you crossed the line of righteous anger to uncontrolled rage…
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How long did it take you to recognize it?
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How long did it take you to admit it to yourself and others?
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How long did it take you to apologize for it and seek forgiveness?
The Bible tells us in James 1:19-20, “To be slow to speak and quick to listen, because anger does not produce the righteousness that God requires.”
I’m asking you, not only to listen to the offender, but to ask yourself some questions, and listen to the Holy Spirit. Then and only then should you start to speak. Otherwise, your fork won’t be the only thing you’ll be putting in your mouth; it’ll also be your foot.
So don’t fear getting angry, but be like Paul says in Ephesians 4:26, “BE ANGRY, but do not sin.”
Written by Dr. Joe Martin
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Christian Grandfather Magazine
