Ever since I can remember, I have struggled with body dysmorphia. As young as 11 years old I remember being consumed by the number on the scale. My battles with anorexia and bulimia were real, but by the grace of God, I was delivered.
Yet, the mind renewal is still a daily fight.
I was discussing this battle with the Lord a few minutes ago. Telling Him it’s exhausting.
So exhausting.
He took me back to an encounter I had 15 years ago.
There’s a walking trail in my area I would often go to. One day I saw someone walking toward me that was so emaciated that I couldn’t tell if they were male or female. Their skin was almost transparent, and what made the scene even more eerie was that they were walking a greyhound—an already thin breed—which only emphasized their frailty.
I don’t mean this to be cruel in anyway – but they were horrifying.
I remember feeling heartbroken for them, thinking, “How are they even able to walk?”
They look like they should be in a hospital with an IV.
How are they breathing?
But they were just walking along with no trouble at all. Almost jovial.
As they passed, they looked at me and smiled, revealing yellowed teeth—The Lord speaks to me through teeth. Weird, I know, but that’s a story for a different day.
Fast forward to today, as I was talking to the Lord about how the enemy still comes after me—even now at 53 years old—telling me I’m not good enough. I recognize that I needed to regain some weight because I never want to slip back into that anorexic mindset.
I can feel it following me.
Like a dark shadow.
And then, as I was making coffee, the Lord brought that person from the walking trail back into my vision.
But this time, He revealed the truth…
That was no person at all.
That was the very demon I’ve wrestled with my entire life. That’s why I couldn’t tell if it was male or female. That’s why its teeth stood out. That’s why it could walk when it looked like it should have collapsed.
It looked like death.
Because it is death.
That’s the demon I’ve wrestled with since I was 11 years old.
But the Lord reminded me…
I am not subject to demons. Demons are subject to Him—and He lives in me.
God was showing me that I never have to go back to that again.
That was then.
This is now.
The enemy may try, but the victory is already mine.
So I pray this encourages someone today.
You are enough.
You’re good enough.
You don’t have to listen to the lies of the enemy.
Ever again.
In Jesus’ Name.
To learn more about Heidi and her Kingdom passion, visit Kingdom Come Home
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