After finishing college, I found myself overwhelmed by a sea of doubts about my past decisions—from questioning minor purchases to rethinking my entire career path. It’s easy to fall into a cycle of “if only” thinking, pondering endlessly about the roads not taken. But obsessing over what might have been doesn’t just steal our joy; it can deeply affect our spiritual well-being and mental health. Here’s why it’s crucial to move past this mindset:
It Feeds Discontentment
Often, we’re left feeling unsatisfied with where we are because we’re so focused on where we think we should be. This can lead to a profound sense of missing out, fostering an environment where we can’t appreciate the present for what it is—a gift from God. As Martin Luther points out, true faith recognizes that God is found even in suffering, not just in success. We should strive to find contentment not in our circumstances but in Christ alone, who gives us strength in all situations, as Paul emphasizes in Philippians 4:12-13.
It Anchors Us in the Past
Living in the ‘what if’ is like trying to drive while only staring in the rearview mirror. It’s impossible to navigate the present or future effectively if we’re constantly looking back. Consider Peter’s denial of Christ: he could have wallowed in this failure, but instead, he embraced Christ’s forgiveness and moved forward. We too must learn to leave our past mistakes behind and step into the future with faith, knowing that our missteps don’t define our destiny.
It Hinders Our Trust in God
The “if only” game often reveals a deep-seated need to control our lives because we doubt God’s sovereignty and goodness. This was a lesson I learned during a challenging health crisis in junior high, where despite my prayers, healing didn’t come as I expected. It took time to see that God’s plans, even those that involve pain, are still rooted in His goodness and ultimately for our benefit.
Elisabeth Elliot beautifully captures this with her reminder that God’s denials are His mercies, steering us away from what we think we want toward something far better. Trusting God means letting go of our imagined scenarios and embracing His plans, knowing He works all things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).
In our quest for purpose and clarity, it’s tempting to gaze longingly at the paths we didn’t take. But true peace comes from trusting in God’s perfect design for our lives, even when it deviates from our plans. Let’s challenge ourselves to cut through the noise of “if only” and ground our lives in the truth of God’s word, fostering a heart of gratitude and trust that looks forward, not backward.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Faith Activist
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