A Listening Practice

Lately, there’s a common theme floating around our house, a lesson my children are learning the hard way. And if I’m honest, I’m still a student of myself.

It’s the simple skill of asking questions and listening.

It’s easy to make assumptions and allow our minds to create a narrative based on partial truths that we know about each other. But it’s hurtful. It causes misunderstanding, disconnect, and opens the door for bitterness to take root. Especially with those we love most. I see my kids do this to each other all the time. They accuse one another of stealing before asking if anyone saw their headphones. They take a whispered mumble and create a narrative of “she said” based on their fears. And they argue relentlessly over matters that are only a big deal in their minds. Over and over, in some form or another, they’re bent to assume the worst about each other.

As we all are, to some degree.

As a parent, it’s hard to watch the ways they unknowingly hurt one another. And as someone guilty of it herself, I wonder where I unknowingly hurt those around me. I wish it were always easy to believe the best, but it’s not. Asking questions and listening is a skill we must always practice. It’s powerful and makes all the difference in the world.

It makes people feel seen and loved.

It breaks false narratives and opens the door to the truth.

It positions our hearts to serve others instead of ourselves.

It dismantles anger.

It broadens perspectives.

It paves the way for conflict resolution.

It builds relationships.

In a world where we have so many reasons to disagree and differ, and in our homes where we have so many causes to assume because we know someone better than they know themselves, we should seek to implement this practice in our lives. And in doing so, we teach it to those around us.

Words and tone can cut like a knife. So let us be quick to listen, slow to speak, and seek to understand before making sure we’re understood.

This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Kristina Ward

Featured Image by Taisiia Shestopal on Unsplash

About the Author

Kristina M. Ward is a servant of Jesus, a pastor’s wife, and a mother of six (three through adoption). As a Ministry Leader at Arise Church, she helps equip saints for the work of the ministry through discipleship and soul care. As a writer of stories, songs, and poetry, she hopes to nurture as many hearts as possible in the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Kristina’s writing has been featured in Fathom Mag, Love What Matters, and other publications. Her leadership in the local church includes women’s, worship, and counseling ministry, and she is in the process of becoming a certified biblical counselor. Kristina loves deep conversation, making her husband laugh, and lingering on the shores of Lake Superior, where she calls Northern Minnesota home.

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