Can you relate?

You’ve been feeling it coming on for weeks, maybe months now. Every time you see this person, he/she makes you feel special, noticed. You know it’s not right to feel this way about someone other than your spouse, but it’s been a long time since your spouse looked at you that way. Who are you kidding? It’s been a long time since you felt that way about your spouse!

Attraction to others is unavoidable in marriage.

When we married our spouse, we didn’t lose our eyesight. We didn’t lose our passions. We didn’t lose our desire to be “desired.” We didn’t lose our pulse!

So how do we deal with the temptation to let what’s a normal attraction turn into so much more?

Maybe you’ve never let it go beyond the stage of simply noticing someone. Or maybe you’ve let it simmer and turn into a full-blown infatuation. Or maybe you’ve let it go full throttle to an affair. Wherever you find {or found} yourself on the continuum, it’s a slippery slope that must be managed with care and caution.

Here’s a rule of thumb: 
If you’re doing any of the following …

• Trying to get their attention/focus any time he/she is near
• Letting your thoughts linger about this person for any length of time
• Letting your feelings grow in intensity for this person
• Fantasizing about this person

Then you’re in dangerous territory!

I’m highlighting this problem because messy marriages, even if it’s only a short season of “messiness,” are vulnerable to this temptation.

So what should you do?

Take Captive
We’re exhorted to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Cor. 10:5). Even King David, “a man after God’s own heart” lost the battle for his mind when he let an innocent day looking out on the porch of his “high rise” turn into … not just lust, not just adultery, but ultimately into murder!

Count the Cost
Play out how this scenario would likely end. How would you feel having to explain this sinful act to your spouse, to your children, to your friends, or, most importantly, to God? What would you lose? Friends? Money? Your home? Your reputation? If you can’t imagine the consequences, ask a godly friend or mentor to help you.

Connect!

• Connect to God through prayer and confession. Ask for His help to find your way back out of the slimy pit you’ve fallen into. 
• Connect with your spouse in meaningful ways. Spend time talking each day. Go out on dates regularly. Make sex a priority. If any of these areas are lacking, you’ll feel the “pull” toward lust and discontentment in marriage.

So, how have you protected your mind and marriage from developing this?

If you’ve given into it in the past, what has it cost you or taught you?

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.” (1 John 2:15-17 (NIV)