A Reckoning

You have to be willing to accept the new things God is going to do. His dream for your life is much bigger than your own. Where God is going to take you, the doors He’s going to open, the people you’re going to meet, it’s going to be more than you ever imagined. ~Ho Nguyen

I read this tonight and my arms flew in the air with shaking hands.

“I am willing, Lord. But am I supposed to be doing something in the wait? What are your plans? How am I supposed to know how when I don’t know, and what if you need me to do something, but I have no idea what that is?”

(Birds chirping)

(Silence)

I’ve not surrendered. Trust and I are battling. In all these years, I push when God says, “Sit down and hush. Hear me, even if it’s the beautiful breath of a Savior who loves you.”

My true colors are radiating tonight. I desire control of God’s plan. I long to guide His ways. I feel myself tiptoeing to His throne like a child sneaking behind their parent’s backs.

For every cry for help, I cover with, “I got you.” My self-righteous being is holding on tight to all I want to release.

“O Heavenly Father, why am I this controlling daughter? How do I let go and allow You to do what You’ve always planned to do in my life? Save me from myself, Lord.”

My mind swirls with thoughts of the impossible wait. I want what I want now. I crave the time and space to follow my dreams. If God is busy, I’ll lay the stones before me. I will illuminate the path.

When I find myself lost, I will cry out. There He is, arms open wide, “Come sweet girl, come.” Am I a near prodigal scheming to go around the Divine’s plan? Is Satan himself whispering in my ear?

“You’ve got this. Just do what you want, and do it now.”

I’ve been stirred and shaken to my core. I see my embarrassing rebellion. I joined the ranks of “I want what I want and I want it now.” Just like our bratty friend on Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Veruca Salt. Screaming with the crowd’s eyes rolling and covering their ears. That’s me.

Forgive me, Lord. Please help me to let go and lay it all down. Help me silence my thoughts and listen. When I cannot see, please guide me. I accept you may lead me straight to the corner for a timeout. I willingly sit and wait. Have mercy on me and forgive me, that I may walk in Your ways for Your purpose and by Your Will.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Authentic Truths

Featured Image by Engin Akyurt from Pixabay

About the Author

Lisa Wenninger is a speaker, writer, podcaster, and Kingdom Winds Collective member. She currently manages a local church with a family of believers she loves. Lisa enjoys volunteering as a Stephen Minister and being able to walk alongside others in their time of need. She is an animal lover (former assistant to the director at this fantastic location), a beach enthusiast, and enjoys hiking, museums, and eating out. Fun fact - she loves to sing but says that you don’t want to hear her do it.

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