“Your name is what? Donald?”
“McDonald.”
“Well, that’s stupid!”
I stood at the front of the classroom, trying to keep my calm. Unsure what to say to this kid, I decided to ignore him. Instead, I turned and addressed the rest of the class. It was career day, and I wanted to focus on those who came to learn.
Months passed, and until recently, I hadn’t thought much about that interaction. I was picking my daughter up from school on a breezy fall day. The sun was bright, but the wind cut through me and made me wish I had my jacket.
As I waited, I saw the kid. I immediately recognized him as he made his way to what I assumed to be his grandfather. He meandered along, stopping to play with other classmates. Then I heard it.
“What’s the matter with you? Stop that! Come, hurry up!”
All the way to the car, the guardian talked to this boy in the same tone he’d used toward me. Shaming, demeaning, and critical.
What I’d felt in the moment, months prior, was confirmed – It was never about me. He was simply reflecting the voice he’d heard every day. Repeating the things he’d heard day in and day out.
Shame is such a poor motivator.
We will never shame someone into true, lasting transformation.
And yet, some of us live with the heaviness of shame every day. Shame over our past. Shame over the conversation we had this morning. Shame because we’re still dealing with the same hang-ups we thought we’d worked through in counseling, recovery, or our time with God.
The voice we use to talk to ourselves sounds something like the one I heard at after-school pick-up. Why can’t you pull it together? Do you really think that’s going to work? No one cares, so don’t bother telling anyone.
We wonder why we’re still carrying the same burdens, the same weight; it seems as though we’ve carried forever, but we don’t see the truth. Shame will never motivate us toward true, lasting change.
When my daughter was learning to swim, I didn’t teach her by yelling at her every time she failed or saying, “I can’t believe you did that!” I cheered her on, encouraged her, and told her I knew she could do it. And with time, she did.
Did you know that when God looks at us, he does the same?
God didn’t choose us because he had some disillusionment that we’d never mess up. He chose us because his love for us is far vaster than the sin that separated us. He wasn’t willing to allow the shame of sin or failure to dictate our future.
How Far Jesus Will Go
If there’s anyone in scripture who shows us this truth, it’s Peter. His story could’ve ended after he denied Jesus three times and the rooster crowed. After all, when the resurrected Jesus found him on the Sea of Galilee, he’d gone back to what he knew – fishing. Something he knew he couldn’t mess up. Can you imagine how loud the voice of shame was at this point? But Jesus had other plans for Peter.
Instead of lecturing Peter about what a failure he is when he appears on the beach, he makes a meal. He stokes the fire and prepares the fish, knowing the disciples will be hungry after a long night of work on the water. Jesus knows that the heart of his disciples’ faith rests in their connection with him. In the simple, everyday acts of eating, drinking, and doing life together.
Then, Jesus has the most important conversation with Peter recorded in scripture.
Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” John 21:15 NIV
Jesus asks, “Do you love me?” a total of three times, and the third time John notes Peter’s emotion – he was hurt. But friends, Jesus’ goal here wasn’t to hurt Peter. It was to show him where he was broken.
Peter had been so certain of his loyalty to Jesus, his public failure nearly broke him. Shame could’ve gotten the final say. But Jesus goes to the same lengths to reinstate Peter, as Peter went in denying him. Then he goes a step further. He gives him a purpose. He shows him, “You are not defined by your pride, your shame, or your lack. You are defined by me.”
If it hadn’t been for Peter’s failure, this moment on the beach wouldn’t have happened. But I’m so glad it did. Because within this treasure of a scene, we see that shame does not have to get the final say. God does.
He Goes the Same Distance for You
Friend, is there a place where you’ve let shame ridicule you, saying God could never use you? Have you gone back to what you know because it feels safe? This is not the voice of God.
God goes the same distance for you as he went with Peter, inviting you to a greater purpose, greater joy, and endless hope. In the same way he prayed for Peter before his betrayal, he prays for you.
He sees not only the ways you’ll fail and falter, but who you’ll become on the other side. But friend, lasting transformation begins with humility. It begins with repentance and allowing God to invade every part of our lives.
He sees your heart and knows your deepest fears. When he said, “No one will snatch them out of my hand,” he meant it.
An Invitation
Do you feel stuck in a decision you need to make, doubting your ability to hear from God? Do you sense that He is prompting you to take a step of faith, but you’re waiting for another sign? Friend, I know what it’s like to spend more time in my head than responding to God’s voice.
That’s why I wrote Surrendering Certainty. If you’re tired of doubting, spinning your wheels, and hesitating rather than moving forward, this book will meet you there.
Purchase here.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Abby McDonald.
Featured Image by Jonathan Sautter from Pixabay
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