And Jesus said to him, “What do you want me to do for you?”
And the blind man said to him, “Rabbi, let me recover my sight.”
Mark 10:51 ESV
I could hear the low rumble of my car’s motor as the cool air from the ac blew strands of hair into my face. The summer heat in the South pushed a band of perspiration across my forehead, and with one swipe of my hand, I pushed back the hair, patted the sweat, and wiped a stray tear from my eye.
The summer of 2019 was a rough season for me as depression sunk deep into my soul. The welcome of new crops to the local farms signaled new life all around me, but I felt like I was slowly dying. I couldn’t contribute this heaviness to just one thing. There was a list of uncertainties consuming me.
That’s why, for the second time on that same Sunday, I drove back to church in hopes of hearing something that would shake me out of the doldrums that I felt locked inside. As my grip tightened around the steering wheel, I whispered the same words again, “Help me, Lord.”
I heard His voice speak to my heart with a clear question, “What do you want me to do for you?”
I was startled into silence for a moment as my mind raced through the list of things that I thought God could do to make my life easier…a financial breakthrough, heal a familial relationship, take away my tendency toward depression and anxiety… on and on the list could go. But sensing the significance of this question, I thoughtfully pondered my answer before coming to a conclusion.
A few minutes passed before tears fell again and a whisper escaped my lips, “Lord, all I want is peace. I want peace in knowing that You are with me in any circumstance––good or bad––peace in knowing that You are in control and that You are working on my behalf.”
I was certain that even if God chose to keep me in the struggle, I could make it if I had His peace deep in my heart.
Recently, I read the healing account of blind Bartimaeus in the gospel of Mark, verse 10:51. Loudly pleading for mercy, Bartimaeus called to Jesus as He passed by. When Jesus heard him, He could not turn him away.
He asked Bartimaeus this same question in Mark 10:21, “… What do you want me to do for you?” And the blind man said to him, “Rabbi, let me recover my sight.”
In studying these scriptures, I realized a similarity between Bartimaeus’ answer and mine. To gain the peace that I was seeking, maybe it was a matter of gaining my sight. Having the ability to see Jesus as bigger than my circumstances, bigger than my emotions, or bigger than any trial that life brings my way––that is what leads to perfect peace.
The difficult circumstances of the hot summer day years ago did not miraculously depart, but the Holy Spirit’s question to me did change my focus. It opened my blind eyes to the Presence of God in my situation.
When the heaviness of my current circumstances threatens to weigh me down, I often return to this memory with the Lord to remind myself that peace is found in knowing who Jesus is––after all, He is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6), giver of peace (John 14:27), and peace speaker (Matthew 8:23-27).
Prayer
Father, thank you for being concerned with all my needs. I struggle with despair and hopelessness when trials seem to never end. As circumstances around me change, help me to hope in You. Please fill me with peace and help me to keep my eyes fixed on You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Ponder
Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (ESV)
How can seeing who Jesus is in your current circumstances bring peace to your heart today?
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Leaving a Well
Featured Image by James Wheeler from Pixabay
