What Wives Really Want

The little things we often complain about as wives are often symptoms of an unmet need or desire we have.

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As a newlywed wife, almost 27 years ago, I was coming in hot with all the needs I had. I thought what I wanted was socks off the floor, help with the dishes, and a husband who would, on his own, put the kids in the tub and get them ready for bed. And while those things are appealing, deep down, they’re not really what wives want. In fact, what I found myself wanting was so much more than that, but by more, I don’t mean an overwhelmingly long checklist, I mean deeper, richer, more life-giving things.

I wanted to be SEEN, HEARD, and CHERISHED.

You see, those socks on the floor being picked up weren’t about a clean and tidy home, they were about a husband who saw how hard I worked whether at home or outside of the home.

They were about having a husband who wanted to help me.

The little things we often complain about as wives are often symptoms of an unmet need or desire we have. Now, it’s not up to our husbands to meet all of our needs and become the great savior in our lives, BUT, marriage is about love and sacrifice and that is something we should be doing for one another.

A marriage where both spouses are seen and heard is a good marriage. So, how about as wives, we help our husbands out and let them in on the things our hearts truly long for?

What Wives Really Want…

To be listened to— Yep! A put your phone down, look at our face, set aside all distractions, kind of listening. While men love that shoulder-to-shoulder life, wives need that face-to-face interaction. They desire to be engaged in conversation, have space created for emotions to be shared and burdens to be poured out, and also for joy to be celebrated together.  

To be taken on a date—this is actually so much simpler than husbands realize. Invite us for a walk, to take a drive, to get a simple ice cream cone, just us. Sure, the romance, the reservations, and weekend getaways are wonderful, but they’re not always necessary. Most of us don’t even care how much a date costs because we care more that you’re thinking about us enough to plan one.

To be cherished—wives love to feel special. We’d love our favorite Starbucks drink to be dropped off, to be noticed after a hard day, and invited into a hot drawn bath just for us. The little things really go a long way in making a woman feel special.

It’s when we have these needs met that all the concerns for socks on the floor and cupboards left open fade gently into the background. These are the things that create deeper connections with one another. These are the needs that deepen our marriages and draw us closer together.

At the end of the day, wives aren’t as complicated as one might think. We’re just all looking to be seen, heard, and cherished.


If you want more on this topic. Be sure to check out the Expedition Marriage podcast Episode 31, What Wives Really Want.

This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Expedition Marriage

Featured Image by Steve Buissinne from Pixabay


The views and opinions expressed by Kingdom Winds Collective Members, authors, and contributors are their own and do not represent the views of Kingdom Winds LLC.

About the Author

Chris and Jamie Bailey are professional Christian counselors and marriage coaches. They run their private practice as well as online ministry, Expedition Marriage, from their home in Fort Mill, SC. They are the parents of three adult daughters and two adorable grandchildren. Together they run weekend marriage retreats, offer guest speaking, one day seminars, as well as run workshops in person and online. Together they hope to encourage Christian marriages and help them thrive abundantly.