The Voice

This. All this. 

Using my voice, finding my voice, feeling like I even have a voice….this has been one of the biggest challenges of my adult life. For someone who appears to have a lot to say and no qualms saying it, I’ve spent many days a knotted-up mess, completely unsure. Unsure if it was worthy of saying. Unsure if it would offend. Unsure if it was true. Unsure if anyone cared what I said. Unsure if I should speak, speak up, or just remain silent.

I spent too many years letting this be my normal. Allowing doubt and fear, and insecurity to win. And I hate admitting that. Admitting that it took until almost 40 to finally realize my voice matters. My experience matters. The words God has laid on my heart, the perceptions, feelings, and experiences all deserve a voice. Not only do they deserve a voice, but God WANTS me to use that voice. He wants me to use it for His Glory, not in a passive or shy or meek way, but in a bold and confident way. 

“For I have not given you a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

I have been a Christian for many years now, and I’m guessing many of you have been too. I spend my days in prayer, and the word, the Holy Spirit speaks to me and I try to be the hands and feet of Jesus wherever my days lead. But, I’ve known for years God has been asking me to use my voice; and I didn’t, at least not in the way he was asking. As a daughter of Christ, it really hurts to admit this publicly, especially to myself. I’ve been told all my life that I’m stubborn, historically, it has made me laugh, and I viewed it as not always a bad thing; but in this circumstance, my stubbornness and hard-headedness kept me from boldly living where God has called me. 

I’m reminded of Jonah. A man so stubborn that to avoid God’s calling on his life, he literally tried to run away. It’s almost comical to read and think about, can we really run away from God?! But how many of us are running, maybe not physically, but still running and avoiding what God is asking of us? Are you? 

I was, and I was able to live for too long in oblivion to the reality. Living in submission to my own insecurities, fears, and perceptions of what God was saying and asking versus the truth that if he calls, I boldly run to where he’s calling. If I claim to have even the smallest of faith, then I should know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my God has me. I challenge you, how are you using your voice? The voice God gave you. The one that shares his truth and life and love and redemption with the world around you. Are you using it for his glory? I pray that going forward, my voice is one that changes the lives of those in my tiny little radius, and I pray that your voice does the same. We have a power that comes from heaven, one that is meant to penetrate soul and spirit, joint and marrow. Let’s use it to shine glory on our God with every word we speak.