Sadly, there are far too many children who have experienced mothers who abuse, mothers who abandon, and mothers who are broken and unable to love well. That being said, most mothers have good intentions. We love our children in a way that surprises even ourselves at times. It is a magnitude of love that is outside of what we could have imagined before we donned our motherhood title. However, we too often fail our children. Our actions do not always line up with the mother we want to be for our children. We fall short in loving, guiding, teaching, and protecting our children as they grow from newborns to fully-functioning adults.
Below is an email I sent to my daughter after one of my many failures. This event transpired when she was past the age of 21, officially having reached the “fully-functioning” adult threshold. I suppose this speaks to two realities. First, while motherhood roles and responsibilities may diminish, they never totally disappear. And secondly, until God calls us home, we are more than able to fall short of who He has called us to be.
God is good. They say don’t pray for patience unless you want lots of practice. Yesterday, I prayed for my “fruit” development. Specifically kindness. Then God gave me a chance to develop it last night, and I failed. I put on my teaching hat instead. I do believe I have a gift for teaching, especially God’s word. But as He tells us, without love, we are just a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
I’m sorry I failed at showing you kindness, and I am sorry I failed God’s test. Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning, and we always get to take a retest. I am sorry I didn’t love you as I should have last night and the way you needed to be loved. I hope you have a blessed day.
– your mama, the teacher trying to learn.
Upon contemplation, motherhood is not for the faint of heart. The responsibility of guiding our children from being a fully dependent baby into a fully independent adult is a daunting task, to say the least. I believe mothering our children well often requires the art of balance. Balance of our priorities: home, husband, children, God. Balance in meeting the needs of multiple children all requiring different levels of attention and care. Balance as we care for a sick child without encouraging a habit of imaginary illnesses. Balance as we counsel about an emotional issue so that love is evident and resilience is fostered. Balance as we offer sympathy for hurt feelings without encouraging a spirit of offense. Punishment or grace? Tough love or tender mercy? Freedoms given. Freedoms restricted.
With the overwhelming nature and complexities of this undertaking, it is not surprising moms often feel overwhelmed and disappointed by their failings. As with every shortfall or failure, our answer is always found in God. When we look to Jesus, we see the ultimate example of love. In the Word, we learn that love is always the litmus test for our actions. Thankfully, although we will fail, His mercies ARE new each morning. As we walk out motherhood as a child of God, He makes us well able. We can boldly pray that our failures and sins will be secondary and that our children will be able to see God’s love reflected through us. This is motherhood at its best.
Featured Image by Jon Flobrant
