Unconditional Love
That’s what rose quartz promises. At least that’s what I believed. It’s what I was told. A desperate heart will believe anything.
For years I walked around 5 pounds heavier. I was loaded down with a pocketful of rose quartz crystals, seeking self-love.
Rose quartz promised to bring me good energy and higher vibrations. Commitment and caring. Its pink color was supposed to calm my feelings of anger and release my resentments. These stones guaranteed deeper meditation and greater self-reflection.
This pocketful of heavy pink promises was going to help me love myself.
Yet – I hated myself.
My real meditation was liquid medication that consisted of Adderall and drinking 2 bottles of wine a night. I loathed my own reflection. Only the alcohol could stop the voices in my head. I couldn’t stand my weakness. I had been starving myself for years in an effort to control something, anything, but EVERYTHING was out of control.
But… I kept those pink rocks in my pocket for good measure.
Just in case.
Maybe today was the day the stars would align and my rocks would work for something other than stoning myself.
20 years of trying every new age, crafty, cure-all for my brokenness.
20 years of pain, fear, guilt, anxiety, anger, and depression.
20 years of loneliness, self-reliance, desperation, and witchcraft.
Then one day I was done.
Done with the rocks.
Done trying.
Done fighting.
Done living.
Just done.
It was in that moment of complete brokenness that My Lord and Savior reached out, took my hand, pitched the stones (and not at me), and said. “Get up. I’ll show you who I created you to be.”
Me?
This broken, wretched, horrific, selfish, alcoholic, addicted, woman of ill repute who’s spent her whole life chasing false gods?
Jesus: “You. Yes, you. I want you.”
What???
Then He loved me back to life. He made all the broken pieces fit. He fashioned me back together with His love. More importantly, He showed me who He is, and what His love looks like.
Jesus Christ – The Rock of Unconditional Love
All the rocks in the world couldn’t do what one moment in His presence had done. He taught me to love myself, by seeing who He created me to be.
Daily, He gives me the desire to seek more of Him. He’s taught me how to forgive others, but also the impossible…how to forgive myself. He’s listened to my prayers, answered some, and thank you Jesus said “NOT A CHANCE” to others.
The best part is – more than anything – He’s shown me who He is, His endless love for me, and just how desperately I need Him.
And I do. Desperately. Daily.
I never needed that pocketful of pink stones. I simply needed My Rock and My Redeemer.
On Him and Him alone, I stand. Meditating on His promises. The promises of MY GOD.
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:2
Featured Image by xtinarson from Pixabay
