I’ve been part of an online event called Rise Up. We literally have been “rising up” early to meet together once a week for teaching, encouragement, and activation.
Sleepily, I had joined the group and listened to the talk. The time had come to engage in the activation. A woman I had never met before looked at me in the online meeting and said simply, “Ever since I heard you speak last week, I felt like the Lord was saying He loves your free spirit.”
I know that probably doesn’t sound like much, but the words had zinged a target in my heart, and immediately I heard the Holy Spirit add, “I always have loved your free spirit. I love this about you. You aren’t rebellious.” I felt the word go really deep in me.
At the same moment, in my mind’s eye, I saw a large thumb that had been trying to push me down. Again, I heard, “That thumb wasn’t me. But the enemy has been trying to push you down through people and circumstances. I am breaking the power of the thumb in your life.” I began to cry and continued to cry on and off all that day.
About three years ago, something happened in my heart. For the first time in my life, I began to feel some level of freedom, and I felt a strong desire to explore more things in the Lord and my life.
For so long, I really didn’t know who I was or even what I really liked because I had been so stripped of myself growing up. During that first season of realizing this new freedom, the Lord placed some precious friends in my life who I felt very free with, free to be me, without any expectation of what that should look like.
The more freedom I began to feel and act on, the more some close to me didn’t understand, and the enemy began twisting my actions and intent to them, and I began getting called rebellious. So, now being free-spirited meant I was rebellious. It came through people I really love.
Words that I felt I was getting from the Lord, though submitted respectfully, were now put in an x file by leadership, and my voice was shut down. For reasons I still don’t know, those friends who once fully accepted me cut me off with no explanation with no opportunity for me to ask forgiveness or work anything out. I don’t say any of this because I’m angry or holding unforgiveness. I realize who was behind all of it now.
As these last three years have gone by, when I would try to venture off into something new, it has felt like I’ve had a chain around my neck ready to yank me back at any time.
I have seen some value in this journey because I really feel the Lord has used it to teach me more about His love and how to love whoever He puts in front of me. Still, I really was beginning to believe that being free-spirited and going after the new was either something God did not want for me or that I might be deceived delving into things that would lead me astray. I thought perhaps it was inherently bad to be free-spirited.
This simply was not true. The enemy had been the one trying to hold me back, attempting to thwart the identity Yahweh was trying to develop in me, an identity of freedom, a value for freedom. This was not out of rebellion, but out of love of discovering who God is and who He has created me to be.
Though I still feel the push back some, still feel the effects of that thumb, but now I realize it was not God clipping my wings. He wants me to fly with Him. Whom the Son sets free is free indeed!
Isn’t it wild how God can use such a simple word to bring revelation, identity, and freedom?
If you have ever felt that same thumb holding you back, and preventing you from going forward, let’s forgive those through whom that thumb came pressing through, and let’s agree together for Yahweh to completely break the power of that thumb over you and me. I am praying for us to walk in all the freedom God has intended for His children to walk in with Him, fulfilling our destinies in Him. Let’s fly!