The narcissist’s entitlement mindset is not just self-defeating, it’s also other-defeating as all victims of narcissistic abuse are well aware.
Before I go into detail about the narcissist’s entitlement mindset, it’s handy for us all to look into the general psychology, because any and all of us will be tempted to go the way of entitlement — remembering now that it’s self-defeating.
Anyone who engages in an entitlement mindset will suffer, and they cause those close to them to suffer too.”
Many people, especially the competitive types, are not bothered if others miss out or lose out, so long as they themselves don’t.
If only a selfish person can get their head around what I’m about to explain, their life will go much better — they will learn to put others first, because, very frankly, it’s the best and most sustainable way to put themselves first.
This is what a sensible person with a crooked heart can deduce:
Do to others what you would have them do to you; if nothing more than for the blessings and favor that are returned.
See how someone can be a ‘good person’ without having the heart that underpins true goodness. Such people can put on their good deeds for show.
Sometimes, and maybe a lot, this is your narcissist. Though there are many people who do their good deeds for self-gain who are not technically narcissistic. They’re worldly-wise.
The entitlement mindset is self-defeating for this reason:
Whenever a person insists things go their own way, they’re destined for disappointment a lot of the time. It’s a course in frustration. And who do they have to blame? When it’s only really themselves they should blame — their opportunity to take responsibility for what is theirs to own — the constant, predictable, and inevitable finger-pointing at others leaves them in a fundamentally disempowered situation and weakened position.
This is the external locus of control that always puts the power for change beyond their own reach. Those who can never accept their own responsibility cause themselves and all those who care about them unwarranted misery because they refuse to cooperate with themselves.
Those stuck in an entitlement mindset will make life a misery for everyone around them, and especially for those who are determined to help them — the enablers.
The opposite of an entitlement mindset is the powerful concept of ownership of one’s destiny. Nobody else is to blame for what they can and can’t do. They steer their own ship. Their joy is their own. And they free everyone around them; there’s no tender hooks or walking on eggshells for others.
But the narcissist is ensconced in their entitlement mindset. They’re in the bondage of exploiting others and that bondage means everyone else entrapped in their social circle is in bondage too, particularly their enablers.
Joy is as far away as a person’s grasp on their taking their own responsibility. There’s so much power for peacefully available for those who believe in honoring truths others hold.
The true narcissist has an unshakeable grip on their entitlement. Their right is to exploit you. They have no regard for empathy, though the cunningest narcissist weaponizes it and parades their care with selective skill, to exploit as is their entitlement.
The entitlement mindset wins neither friend nor favor, yet there are many who insist on having everything their own way. It ends in utter defeat.
How hard it is for everyone when a person demands they’re always right. There is no room for anyone else. The sheer hypocritical audacity of the person who must always be treated as they’re right, who cannot be disagreed with, who must be treated with kid gloves.
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Tribeworks