This aspect of my life has been one of my greatest sources of joy, but at times, it’s also been one of my greatest challenges.
Maintaining a healthy balance between grace and discipline, showing just the right amount of love and protection without smothering or stunting their growth, making sure they’re not only alive physically, but that their spiritual well-being is also being attended to – there’s a lot more that goes into this whole mothering thing than meets the eye.
Though it can be tiring at times to pour my heart and soul into the two human beings that God has given me the privilege of raising, there’s one thing that I never grow tired of – the lessons that God teaches me along the way! I can’t think of any other people in my life that God has used more to teach me about my relationship with Him than He has my children.
Just the other day, my oldest daughter, who’s now 14, wanted to help me cook breakfast for dinner. Her job was to make the eggs and my job was, well, everything else.
I taught her how to make scrambled eggs several years ago and she’s made them for herself on multiple occasions. But for some reason, she became extremely insecure about her egg-making ability when it came time for her to make them for the whole family.
She kept saying things like, “I hope I don’t mess them up!” and “I’m gonna try my hardest, I hope you like them!”
I assured her that they’d be great, but my assurance just wasn’t cutting it.
After she finished cooking them, her insecurity started getting the best of her once again and she said, “They might not be good, but I hope you like them!”
I finally stopped what I was doing, looked her straight in the eye and asked her, “Who taught you how to make eggs?”
“You did,” she answered.
“Well, if I’m the one who taught you how to make eggs and you made them the way I showed you, why wouldn’t I like them?”
“Oh. Yeah. I guess you’re right!” she said.
Her eggs were great – just the way I taught her to make them.
As I finished up my own cooking and thought about her insecurity, God clearly began speaking to my heart in that moment, saying, “You do that to Me, too, you know.”
“Yes, you,” He gently responded.
“Wow. I guess I never thought about that before.”
If you ask me what my biggest struggle has been over the better part of my life, it would be insecurity, without a doubt.
I have poured the last 10 years of my life into learning God’s Word and making sure I’m doing everything I can to live out what I’ve learned so that I can be pleasing to my Heavenly Father and grow in my relationship with Him. That part of my life is something I’ve grown to treasure.
He’s taught me so many things through His Word. So many good things. So many difficult things.
When it comes to walking these truths out on my own, I am confident in following. I don’t have to second-guess myself when it’s just me and God. He reveals truth to me and I follow it. Plain and simple.
Add a few more people into the mix, however, and the first thing that tends to fly out the window when I have to put into practice what I’ve learned is my confidence – my confidence in what I know, my confidence in my understanding of God’s Word, and my confidence in who I am as a child of God.
When God gives me a task to perform that involves other people, I become riddled with insecurity.
Just like my daughter questioned her ability to make good eggs, there are so many times when I do the same thing – I question my ability to perform the tasks God has given me. I question my knowledge and my understanding of God’s Word. I question my adequacy and my worth in the eyes of others, and sadly, in the eyes of my loving God.
I’ve come to realize that at the root of this questioning and insecure spirit is a child who doesn’t want to mess up. A child who is seeking the approval of her parental figure – both in my daughter’s case with the eggs and in my case with following through on the assignments that God has given me to complete.
When I stopped and dealt with my daughter’s insecurity, reminding her who it was that taught her what she knows and how all I desire from her is to do exactly what I’ve taught her, God began whispering that same message to me.
He turned around and asked me the same thing I had asked my daughter.
“Who taught you My Word? Who taught you how to walk worthy? Who has equipped you with everything you need to carry out the purpose I’ve given you?”
“Then why on earth wouldn’t you do a good job? Why on earth wouldn’t I be proud of you?”
Insert happy and humble tears here.
Hebrews 10:35-39 reminds us of just how important godly confidence is. It says this,
“Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward. For you have need of endurance so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise: “For yet a little while, and He who is coming will come and will not tarry. Now the just shall live by faith; But if anyone draws back, My soul has no pleasure in him.” But we are not of those who draw back to perdition, but of those who believe to the saving of the soul.”
If you’re anything like me and you struggle with insecurity, let me encourage you – don’t throw away your confidence!
If God has taught you everything you need to know in order to complete the assignment He gives you, then there’s nothing left for you to do but to complete it with confidence, my friend.
We can’t allow what other people think of us, what we think other people think of us, or what we think of ourselves to keep us from walking in obedience!
We are more than conquerors, created to do good works (Romans 8:37; Ephesians 2:10). God’s Word teaches us everything we need to know in order to complete those good works (2 Timothy 3:16-17) and if what we’re doing is in line with His Word and we’re following His leading, then there’s no room for insecurity or a questioning attitude.
I, of all people, understand just how much easier it is to say this concept and to believe this concept than it is to actually live this concept out.
But our Father, our good good Father. Man, He loves us too much to allow us to live our lives in defeat, doesn’t He?
I’m so grateful that He meets us right where we’re at and He speaks life and truth to our hearts exactly as we need to hear. And most of the time for me, it comes from the lessons I learn through my children.
Featured Image by Louis Hansel