After our contract in Montana, we decided to surprise Erich’s family and take a contract in South Carolina for the holidays. Not only did we want to visit family and friends, but this contract was kind of necessary in many ways: my driver’s license expired while we were traveling (I missed the deadline for renewing online), the kids were all past due for medical and dental checkups, River needed an eye exam and new glasses, and Erich needed some dental work done. Needless to say, this contract has been a much different change of pace for us. December also marked the two year anniversary of moving out of our house and into our fifth-wheeler, so coming back here kind of felt like coming full circle in a way.
Returning to our old stomping grounds, going back to a more normal life, a busy schedule… it’s all been cause for contemplation for me. No question about it, I have absolutely no regrets and no doubt that this experience was heart-changing and life-altering for me, and for our family. But, looking back over the last two years naturally compelled me to look forward to the future. Where will we be two years from now? I honestly don’t even know where we will be two months from now and I’m rather okay with that; it doesn’t bother me. My kids seem okay with it for now too. But, as they get to the young adult stage, are they going to resent not having a home? A community? Sports, youth group, or even local friends? Will family be enough? Can family be enough? Should family be enough? When should we stop traveling and settle back down? What things are necessary for a healthy childhood? And, by whose book are they necessary? Am I measuring the fullness of our lives by the world’s standards or heaven’s? So many questions.
With this two year landmark, I found myself drowning in my own thoughts. Most people know where they are going to be five years, two years, or at least a year from now. There were a few times in the first month of this contract, this contemplation chapter, where I could feel my mind start to race out of control. But then, I’d remember the futility of freaking out. If there is one thing Erich and I have learned over the years, it’s trust. Father has never ever let us down. That’s not just rhetoric or cliché. There was one really hard situation early in our marriage where I felt like God had dropped the ball. I felt abandoned and unseen. Truth was, I was so close to the crisis, it was all I could see. If I had stepped back far enough, I would have seen that God hadn’t dropped the ball, but that He’d had His hands on it the whole time. Matthew 6:27 BSB says, “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” It’s so true!
Sometimes I start to worry that our camper will never sell, or that our less-than-faithful truck will fail halfway to Alaska, or that our kids will miss out on “normal” childhood activities. Heck, everyone out there who thinks I’m so chill and relaxed all the time would be shocked at the crowd control I have to do on all of the crazy “what if” thoughts that sometimes terrorize my brain. But when I feel myself start to freak out, it dawns on me… if the camper never sells, we will be ok. If our old blue truck fails halfway to Alaska, it will be an adventure to remember! And Father is fully able to meet every need and desire my kids may or may not realize they have. In every “what if” scenario, He is still God, and He is still good. So don’t freak out! Instead, surrender. Settle into the arms of One who is bigger, stronger, and more powerful than you and your problems (real or imagined). =)
Featured Image By Donald Giannatti