It’s totally okay to be single.
Wait, what?! You’re trying to tell me that it’s okay that I’m one of the few out of my friends who doesn’t have a boyfriend? How am I supposed to be okay with it when, every time I refresh Instagram, a new engagement picture is flashed before my eyes reminding me that I’m probably going to spend the rest of my life alone with my dog, binge-watching The Office?
Okay, first of all, chill. Take a deep breath because what you just read was a huge run-on sentence. Second of all, I feel ya. I’ve been there, and I’ve felt the same way. A few weeks ago, I told my friends that if we’re all single by a certain age, we should all go on The Bachelor (I was totally kidding, guys—I would be singled out as the weird girl). I was then hit with the sudden realization that they were all dating the guy they considered “the one” so I would be going to LA by myself. Sigh.
I’ve been that girl who used to think that she would be a lot happier when she found a guy to take her out to eat tacos and ice cream (the perfect combo, right?). But let me tell you, you may “think” that having a boyfriend will make you happy. I mean, I’m sure it might. But it sure as heck isn’t going to solve all your problems.
If you want to date a guy because you think that’ll cure your unhappiness and that all will be right in the world, honey, you got another thing coming. No guy is perfect, and they will all fall short of your expectations sooner or later. You have to realize that the only way you can truly fill that empty hole that so desperately wants to be filled is through Jesus.
It’s totally okay to be single. Live it UP, girlfriend. Find those best friends who will become your bridesmaids (I’m talking to you Meghan Daniel and Ruhi Patel and several other Wofford gals). Do the things that you’ve been dying to do. Enjoy this time being on your own!
Singleness is a time to devote yourself to God’s Word and soak up everything that He may be trying to teach you during this time. For me, I had to learn that, before I got into a relationship, I needed to love myself first and find my happiness in God. I was struggling too much with my eating disorder and depression, and there was no way I could bring that burden onto a guy. I even wrote in my journal on November 30, 2014, “I pray that I will learn to love myself. Why would God give me a guy to love when I can’t even love myself?” During my dark years, I wouldn’t have even wanted to date myself, to be honest.
You may be struggling with something, too, and God wants to help you through it before you get into a relationship. Or life may be great and you’re just sitting on your couch thinking, “Is there something wrong with me?” or “Am I doing something wrong?” or even “Am I not worthy of love?’
Whew. That’s a deep one. It kind of hurts to even recognize that thought. I want to stuff that thought deep in my closet under all of my dirty clothes, somewhere where I never have to acknowledge it. Let’s be honest, though, self-worth is a BIG thing that we girls struggle with. We oftentimes identify ourselves based on our Instagram likes/comments, amount of friends, academics, appearances, and the list could GO ON. We go so far as to question our worth based on our performances in these areas.
Let me go even further and ask you this: Have you ever questioned your self-worth because of a guy’s opinion of you? Have you ever thought you weren’t good enough because you couldn’t seem to find a guy but everyone else seemed to? YOU ARE NOT ALONE. But if there’s one thing you get from this blog post, I hope it’s this. You are so much more than what a guy thinks of you. You are so much more than your appearance or intelligence. You are worthy of love just by being you. You are ENOUGH.
The right guy WILL come along and love you for YOU. You’ll know you’ve found him when he loves you makeup-less singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” at the top of your lungs when you clearly can’t sing and DEFINITELY don’t know the words. I may or may not be talking about myself here. (Side note: I don’t think I will ever be able to nail down the words to that song).
Being single can suck sometimes, and I don’t want to minimize that feeling. But I want to let you know that being patient will pay off in the end. Don’t settle for someone. You are worth being chased after. I try to think of it this way: Meghan Markle (my absolute ROLE MODEL) had to wait until she was 35 years old to find her Mr. Right… who ended up being Prince Harry. I know there must’ve been times when she was wondering if she was ever going to have that fairytale ending, and SHE DID! But she had to be patient and wait. And in the end, homegirl got to marry a Prince. Meghan Markle waited, or should I say the Duchess of Sussex, and YOU CAN, TOO!
I’m not saying you’re going to have to wait until you’re 35, so please don’t freak out on me. Honestly, I think finding the right guy happens when you least expect it. Don’t waste your time chasing after some guy that isn’t giving you the time of day. You know what? His freaking loss! A guy should have to work for the key to your heart. Don’t give it away too easily.
With that being said, stop constantly thinking about it, and when you find yourself going toward those negative relationship thoughts, turn to Scripture and PRAY IT OUT. Right then. Right there. Maybe even pray for your future husband. Let out all that anxiousness and simply trust. It’s hard, I know. It’s hard trusting God with this. We let the devil convince us that maybe God has abandoned or forgotten us. Sometimes I want to yell, “Hey, God! I’m right here! Don’t forget about me!”
For those who know me, you know that I talk to God as if we are BFFs, so I have legit prayed, “Dude, what the absolute fudge are you doing with my life? I am going to be livid if You make me wait another twenty years to find a guy.” No joke. I have to realize, though, that God has handpicked someone for me, and if I don’t meet him for the next twenty years, so be it. At that point, I’ll be 40 and probably binge-watching Hallmark Christmas movies with my twenty dogs, but whatever. It’s fine.
One time when I yelled that at Him, God answered me but in a much calmer and more soothing voice. It’s hard to describe the feeling when you hear God talking to you, but it is seriously the most humbling thing—and serves as a huge wake-up call. He said to me, “My Child, be patient. I have not forgotten about you. Your time is not now. But it will come, and that is a promise. Do not worry because right now, all you need is Me.” According to my handy dandy journal, this interaction happened on December 2, 2014. Almost five years ago! He wasn’t kidding when He told me to be patient because, obviously, five years is a long time. But He stays true to His promises, and I cannot wait to see how He is going to work everything into His perfect plan.
I want to remind you that you are not alone in this whole struggling to be single situation. I’m right there with you, but you know what? I’m not choosing to struggle anymore. I’m deciding to live my life knowing that I am already loved by my One True Father, and if another guy pops in there and decides he wants to love me, well, lucky him because I AM FUN and I LOVE TACOS! What more is there to love, am I right?
P.S If you’re in need of some Bible verses to lean on during one of your “struggle moments,” look below because I have some awesome-sauce verses for you from the NLT! Grab your sticky notes or iPhone and write these suckers down!
“Pour out your hearts to God. He is our refuge and strength.” Psalm 62:8
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” Matthew 6:27
“The Lord is my strength and my shield. My heart trusts in Him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song.” Psalm 28:7
“My soul is weary with sorrow. Strengthen me according to your word.” Psalm 119:28
“Let the morning bring word of your unfailing love. I put my trust in You. To you I lift up my soul.”Psalm 143:8
Featured Image by Brooke Cagle
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on emmaclae.wordpress.com