Storms Part 2: Navigating the Loss of a Loved One

After months of this routine, I’ve decided to just praise Him without having my questions answered because He is worthy and I love Him.

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This is a rewrite and a continuation of my February 2021 post. Since the message still applies today, I decided to leave most of it intact and added to it.
The title says it all, storms that continue in our lives. 
 
 
 
God bless you today! Everything is going to be ok. God will answer your prayers. Hold on, He loves you and hears your petitions. Keep seeking and drawing near to Him. He hears you. 
 
I just had a strong feeling to say that. I was in the midst of writing something else when I started receiving the above words.  Maybe it was for certain ones of you. The great God of the universe wanted you to know. Wow, isn’t it wonderful He cares! 
 
We go through things that we don’t understand and wonder does God really care? Does He understand? We are not alone. His disciples, while on a boat crossing the lake of Galilee, asked the same question. The scriptures state a furious storm (hurricane proportions), arose while they were crossing to the other side. It was severe enough for the disciples, experienced fishermen, to panic. Their question, “Lord do you not care we are perishing?” Mark 4:37 AMP has rung true for centuries. Many, if not all of us have when under pressure for a prayer to be answered, felt our own panic or desperation. I have.
 
My earlier days of anxiety for prayers to be answered have ranged from not having enough money for the bills to be paid (utilities, house payment, groceries, clothes) to sickness and disease in the family and myself… and death of family members. In each desperate time of clinging to Him, an amazing thing happened, I learned to love Him more. He always came through on the bills. Our needs were met, we did not miss a meal or end up on the street, even though those were the images that came to me. The sicknesses were healed or the reason for their occurrences were found out and the deaths had their own miracles of which I will share in later reflections.
 
Since I originally posted this message in February 2021, I have gone through and am still experiencing one of the hardest storms of my life.  Jim my wonderful husband of 47 years died suddenly. We went to Colorado for him to take tests for a lung condition and get needed medicines. While there he started having severe breathing problems and had to be rushed to emergency care.  It was discovered his lungs were more serious than we realized. He was transferred to the intensive care unit of a renowned hospital. I called my friends and church family to pray.  They were so faithful. I called them my ‘treasured prayer warriors’. They knew and loved Jim.
 
The month that followed, was a blur of tests, bad reports, prayers, and holding on to Jesus. During this severe time, I experienced all the emotions of fear, anxiety, and confusion. Feeling like a drowning woman on a storm-tossed lake with each wave threatening to pull me under, I cried “Lord, show me the way! Give me direction! I am poured out! I love You!” Not exactly what the disciples cried out but the same desperation. My Jim did not leave the hospital. He died after a month of fighting. My Jim of 48 years of being with each other since college.  He was the love of my life. We experienced everything together; dreams for the future, two children, a boy Victor, and a girl Dawne as well as a miscarried little baby girl named Virginia, business together for 35 years, ministry as pastors, home group leaders, and evangelizing, the ups and downs of married life, all four parents sick and dying and holding on to Jesus through it all. Jim loved Jesus more than any man I’ve known.
 
My storm continued. Since my daughter and grandchildren lived in Colorado my son sold his home in South Carolina to move to Colorado so the family could be together. In order to be near my family, I had to sell the home Jim and I owned for 48 years. This meant leaving my friends, church, and the lifestyle I had known for those many years. Once again, “Lord, show me the way! Give me direction! I am poured out! I love You! Even though I feel lost, I know You are with me!”  I did leave everything familiar and moved. So, as of this posting, I am residing in a small town in Colorado in the home Jim and my son built in previous years. Each day I seek Jesus for direction and tell Him of my love for Him. 
 
So, why do I tell you this?  I was hesitant to write this account since the desired healing did not occur. I have prayed many times over the years and saw God’s miracles. Backs were healed, my daughter’s teeth were supernaturally realigned, my mother was brought back to life from death, and Jim’s eye was instantly healed from excruciating pain when a thorn sliced across his right eyeball. There were many physical and emotional healings as well as healing of memories. With each, we all rejoiced…. We all love a happy ending.
 
But, I thought, ‘How will the readers feel about Jim not being healed? Will it take away from their faith in believing for their miracle? I never want to do that because I KNOW GOD HEALS and answers prayers! As I thought and prayed about it over these months, a thought came to me, ‘this message may be more needed to a hurting, confused world of disappointed people who have tried to believe for their miracle but it did not happen. Some may have backed away or are angry with God. They don’t know what to do. How can they ever believe again? I understand. I have walked and am still walking through this storm…their storm. I can relate to the confusion and questions.’
 
So what do we do now? As I said at the beginning of this message, not knowing it would be a word for me, God hears you and will answer. However, sometimes it appears that He didn’t hear since the answer didn’t happen as we hoped. This is one of the most difficult times for us. We feel crushed, and off-balance, our world reels leaving us numb. But, I will say this for all of us, if we continue to hold on to Him, He will turn our ashes into beauty. I have decided to hold on to my Jesus as never before.  I don’t understand but, I will trust in His love and goodness. I know He is a good, good God who loves us more than we can imagine. He sent His Son to die for us.
 
For those who have experienced severe storms of loss, abandonment, business failures, children or spouse away from God or the ultimate, death of a loved one let me say I am so sorry for your storm. You are not alone even though, many times in the dark of night, you may feel it.
 
Let’s continue to cling to Him and receive His beauty. A lot of us go into such disappointment, we abort the beauty and stay in ashes for the rest of our lives. It’s hard, but just reach out to Him if only a little bit at a time. Your tender spirit wants to reach out but fear, disappointment, and maybe even anger tries to prevent you. Even that’s ok. It’s ok to feel your emotions. It’s ok to scream, or just cry. We each have to process our grief or disappointments. I’ve done them all. I have talked to the Lord in the night with the lights out as I lay on my bed that used to have both Jim and myself in it, and ask Jesus questions., the Why this, why that?  
 
But, after months of this routine, I’ve decided to just praise Him without having my questions answered because He is worthy and I love Him. We must always remember to return to Him. We have an eternity to live and we want to make it there to be with Him and our loved ones. He truly is our loving God. You may think, If He’s so loving, why did He not answer my prayer?  That truly is a good question. I have thought a lot about it. I can say this much. There is so much we don’t know about Heaven. People who have gone there and returned, have tried to describe the beauty, sights, smells, joy, and waves of love that vibrated through them. They wanted to stay! Wouldn’t we all feel the same? I feel when Jim experienced the all-consuming love of his Savior and Lord, he stayed.  There are some people that have returned from Heaven to deliver the message urging others to accept Jesus as Savior and Lord so they could also go to Heaven and be with Him and their loved ones.
 
I did not plan this writing. As I said, I had something else to share but, perhaps, this was needed for this day if not for you, maybe someone you know. Little did I know it was for me. Remember, we are all in this together. We are all on our journey in this life and can relate to each other’s experiences, if not in total, we can feel each other’s feelings.
 
Our tears are the same, from a hardened, wounded police officer or soldier, a frazzled, exhausted, single parent, an emotionally or physically abused wife, husband, or child to a lonely, aging person in a nursing home remembering the years that went by s-o quickly.
 
If we heard their stories, our hearts would go out to them. We are all linked together because of Jesus. The One that died for us and knows everything we have experienced. Let’s all enjoy eternity with Him. He loves us beyond our understanding…He really does.
 
I pray this helps. This one is for you…and me.   

 

 

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About the Author

A daughter of the King.