“Just put your things in a plastic trash bag and be at the house at 7 pm.” Those were the words of Ike Grozier – co-owner of Recovery Connections Residential Treatment Services in Santa Clara CA. His instructions held a fragile ridiculous hope that somehow, I could get help for a perilous path of addiction to stimulants that by now had become hopeless and lethal.
Anyone who’s struggled with addiction knows the reality of being too scared to live (to face ourselves and our lives) and being too scared to die. After two failed rehab attempts in the previous seventeen months, I was now, somehow, forcing myself to live.
Are you one who also wants to live? Have you found yourself “trying to keep it together” as fear, anxiety, and hopelessness threaten you? Do you live with secrets that have become your “best friends?”
I used to wonder if I would ever reconnect with that younger, happier more carefree version of myself? Maybe, that youthful better version of yourself never existed? Can you dare to believe that God somehow is big enough, caring enough, loving enough to reach into your difficulties and help you?
As seven o’clock approached Jan 10, 2008, I shoved stuff inside my plastic bag. T-shirts, jeans, and socks found their way to the bottom of the bag along with underwear, a deodorant bar, and a toothbrush. I crammed a hoodie in there too. My tore-up hiking boots were wedged into a side of the bag with my black wool beanie. I put precious things in there even though I wasn’t sure how these things fit in my life at the time. My bible, notebook, and a couple of pictures of my kids were placed in the bag with as much care as I could muster, given the circumstances.
I remember standing on the porch of the treatment center before knocking on the door. As a fifty-something-year-old guy, I owned my own home, had a six-figure income, was a respected boss at work, and had been following Jesus for more than two decades. Somehow it all ended up in a plastic trash bag.
Looking back, I can say it was miraculous “willingness” that changed everything. I had NO HOPE, NO DESIRE, NO UNDERSTANDING, AND NO PLAN for fixing myself. I only had enough willingness to mostly follow the instructions of a guy named Ike who seemed to know what he was talking about. It turned out it was a good decision for me to follow Ike’s instructions. Showing up at Recovery Connections with my plastic bag changed my life. I learned how to live without sex addiction, alcohol, and stimulants. I was introduced to a “better way to live.”
Brokenness is a pathway to hope. There’s tremendous relief when we let ourselves be honest and broken. It’s worth noting that Jesus was broken for us. There’s some tremendous love waiting for us when we’re brave enough to admit our brokenness.
Would you like freedom in your life? Failure doesn’t define us. It teaches us IF we are willing. Why not take a risk and reach out for help? I felt that I was worth about as much as that trash bag when I showed up on the steps of that treatment center in 2008. Later, I found I was worth the precious blood of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. His death, burial, and resurrection are the perfect picture of what happens when we trade our “trash bag life” for new life. He wants to help you, but you need to take action to find the new life that’s waiting for you. There is much grace for the journey. Throw away your lies and shame and take a step forward.
If you’re curious about getting help, research one of the many online support groups available to you. Local and online 12 step programs are a great place to start. Many churches have support groups as well. If you’re not sure if you have a problem, keep learning. You may be interested to read my book – “Rise and Shine: Finding Identity, Peace and Purpose through the Journey”? I wrote that book to help people find hope and freedom while navigating difficult life circumstances.
I’m also happy to provide a listening ear if you’d like to reach out to me here at Kingdom Winds. Take a minute to quiet the noise inside you if you can. Then make the best decision of your life and reach out for help. You’re worth it!
Featured Image by Margarita Kochneva from Pixabay
