Go Back to the Beginning

I believe that it becomes so easy to get caught up in all of the work for the Kingdom that you forget the beginning of your love affair with Jesus.

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I think that, sometimes, we get so caught up in what God has called us to birth that we forget that it all started with one day that He chose to step off the throne to throw His arms around us.

Do you remember the beginning? The first time that Jesus brought His love affair with you to the forefront of your heart? Do you remember that day that everything changed? Do you remember how you felt? The way that everything looked more alive than the second before?

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was broken. Not the kind of brokenness that we see in normal day-to-day but deep brokenness that seemed to stem throughout every area of my life. My marriage was broken, my self-image was broken, my family was broken, and I had just lost my two-month-old nephew to a freak accident. I was broken. I felt irreparable.

I drank and partied to soothe myself, but nothing seemed to fill the void. I felt so alone and hopeless. I remember having arrived from the funeral home after helping arrange the details of my nephew’s funeral and I could barely keep myself together. This is an unusual thing for me as I am the one that always has all her Ts crossed and Is dotted, but on this day, there was no way to hold it in.

To save my pride, I darted to the bathroom and ran the shower so no one would hear me as I sobbed. It wasn’t a normal cry. It was the kind of crying that comes with a  million emotions and brings exhaustion instead of a breakthrough. I was so angry with God because of all that was broken around me. I didn’t know what to do, and I just yelled out as loud as I could, “What do you want from me?”

I heard God’s audible voice speak so clearly, “I just want you.” Those words I believe also had so much emotion in them. He wants me. He wanted me then, and He wants me now. It was a statement filled with 1000 yeses for me and about me. He wanted me. All of my brokenness, all of my disdain He wanted to exchange with all that He is. HIS words ring throughout eternity “I just want you.”

Imagine that the creator of the universe, the God of awe and wonder, stops the world to tell you that you are His. Not only does He claim you as His own, but He then begins to tell you His plans for you and His innumerable thoughts of you. At the beginning, His words become the only thing that satisfies. For me, it was like sleep interrupted my time with Him. I could not go to sleep without Him, and I couldn’t wait to wake up to be with Him.

In the middle of this new and wonderful relationship, I began to realize my purpose. I saw that God had an assignment for me and that there were so many people that needed to experience the same love He had poured out on me. If I wasn’t careful, I would allow the call of the future to overshadow the beauty of the beginning.

I believe that it becomes so easy to get caught up in all of the work for the Kingdom that you forget the beginning of your love affair with Jesus. I feel like there are so many of us that need to be reminded that the love affair with Jesus, the feeling of the first time you came face to face with Him is just one focus away.

So I want to encourage you that, no matter where you are, no matter how far you have run up the mountain, no matter how deep you have run into the cave, you can always go back to the beginning. To the beginning where He told you that you were His and that is all that has ever mattered. You can go back there and stand in the truth that Jesus said 1000 yeses over you and those yeses are still ringing through eternity!


Jenimar Pendleton

This is an updated edition of a post originally published on watermarkedministries.com

The views and opinions expressed by Kingdom Winds Collective Members, authors, and contributors are their own and do not represent the views of Kingdom Winds LLC.

About the Author

Watermarked Ministries was founded by Jenimar Pendleton, a licensed minister under Global Awakening’s Apostolic Network. Watermarked Ministries exists to equip, train, disciple, and release believers marked by the Holy Spirit so that the world will know who their Heavenly Father is through a relationship with Jesus Christ. We do this by teaching identity, authority, and the gifts of the Holy Spirit. Our hearts are to help equip the body of Christ for the works of services and do this both locally and internationally through conferences, workshops, and small group settings. Our goal is to come along side churches, ministries, and community leaders and compliment what they are already doing to impact the Kingdom by equipping them to walk confidently in the gifts of the Holy Spirit.