Living in a rural community is a blessing. However, one week, we ran into a snag. Our bus driver got ill, and there was no one to fill in, so we had to drive our kids to school. It may not be a crisis, but this is a challenge for parents who work and the extra half an hour of driving to and from the middle school (13 miles away, 17 minutes go time).
I quickly reached out to a single mother I know who works in law enforcement. We made our arrangements, and I drove her boys a couple of days, which helped. She, in turn, offered to drive my two on Friday.
It took everything in me to accept her kindness and generous offer. When I peer into the situation, I know it is good that we take turns, which is common sense. However, for years now, I have struggled to accept help from others. Why? I cannot explain.
In being forced into raising my grandkids, many people shower me with love and generous offers to help in many capacities. As I type today, I can’t think of one time I accepted. Today, I did (kind of). She took my grandson to the middle school with her boys, but I chose to drive my granddaughter to the elementary school. To have her take both felt wrong somehow.
We live in a time when hearts are a bit darker. Still, when we look closer, we see the multitude that lives in love, care, compassion, and giving: people who will stop everything to help a stranger or a neighbor. I grew up in a close-knit neighborhood. But for me, as a survivor of abuse, I struggle to trust people outside of very few family members and friends. I don’t want to ‘owe’ anyone. Owing was the theme of my childhood, and the evil in my life.
I realize I am stuck in a piece of my past. Am I hindering the gift of generosity the Lord has placed in others? Or the blessings He intentionally showers on me? All because long ago, one person made my entire existence something I owed him? A burden no child should ever know.
I pray for an open heart to not only give love but to receive it as well. May I not live in fear but see God working in my life through the support and care from others. May we all be the light in a dark world illuminated by the heart of Jesus.
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38 NIV
This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Authentic Truths
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